As I write this moment, I am sitting outside in the swing in awe of the beauty of the day. The sky is a beautiful blue and crystal clear. The azaleas are in full bloom in velvet pinks and reds. The sun is bright and golden, shining on the aromatic orange trees in bloom. Bandit is in his glory sleeping in the grass. The birds are singing a sweet song. A butterfly just settled on the tree leaf. I sit and wonder why I have always been too busy in the past to really sit for a moment and take in the beauty around me. God gives us such a beautiful world but all too often we are too busy to enjoy it, if only for a moment.
As I sit here I am filled with an incredible thankfulness.
I am thankful for my family. For Carl and his unending love. For my children, my grandchildren and the joy they bring to my life. For my sisters. Family is something we so often take for granted.
I am thankful for the many, many good friends God has put in my life. I am incredibly lucky to work in a place where we are not only co-workers but we are friends. We care about each other. We share a common bond. There is not a day goes by that I don't get a card or computer message that lifts my spirits from my friends at work and lets me know I am cared about and missed.
I am thankful for my church family and what their love and support means for both Carl and I. We draw on and rely on the prayers and friendship of our church family. Some say they don't need to go to church to find God. For us we not only find Him, but also His people who love us and pray for us.
I am also thankful that God has put just the right medical professionals in my life. When facing an unfamiliar big illness, no one wants to rely on picking a doctor out of the phone book. God has hand picked the medical team ahead of time for me. Carl and I were commenting on the highly respected reputations and knowledge of all the people involved in my care. But equally important, they are all "caring". Each and every one of my physicians genuinely cares. In this day of hurry in and hurry out it is comforting to know that they do care for you as a person. Earlier today one of my doctors called and said she received the biopsy results and was sorry for what I would have to go through but she wanted me to know that she would be praying for me and lifting me up in her prayer group at her church. After I hung up I thanked God aloud for her, and for His Hand in orchestrating the whole "team".
You know, it's amazing, what taking 15 minutes of our time, to sit out and enjoy God's beautiful world and reflect on the good things in our lives, can do for our mind our body and our spirit.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The valley DOES NOT have you!
I really wish the chemo treatments could be on Thursday because I love my Wednesdays. I wasn't feeling well enough to go to Bible study and that started the day off on a less than positive note. I really enjoy studying and digging deeper to learn more about the bible. And just like Sundays if I allow it I usually receive some information that is just what God wants me to know at this point in time in my life. That's what I love about reading His word. I could have read a verse 10 times before and it didn't have any significant meaning at that time, but when God is ready to use it in your life the words just jump off the paper and talk to you.
About noon time I was really battling the nausea and feeling a bit sorry for myself when I opened up my work e-mail and (in God's perfect timing) read this.
Dear Roxanne,
"I pray that in your darkest times you have somewhere in there the fact that you have cancer BUT cancer DOES NOT have you - our most powerful God does. May God's presence surround you and carry you on."
I felt "Holy Spirit Bumps" as Pastor Steve calls them. What a perfect reminder that God is in control and He is indeed a powerful God. My spirits were immediately lifted. I felt His joy, peace and presence again surrounding me on all sides.
I pray that as you're reading this blog today that if you are going through a valley, that you could know that the valley DOES NOT have you - our most powerful God does and that God's presence will surround you and carry you on.
About noon time I was really battling the nausea and feeling a bit sorry for myself when I opened up my work e-mail and (in God's perfect timing) read this.
Dear Roxanne,
"I pray that in your darkest times you have somewhere in there the fact that you have cancer BUT cancer DOES NOT have you - our most powerful God does. May God's presence surround you and carry you on."
I felt "Holy Spirit Bumps" as Pastor Steve calls them. What a perfect reminder that God is in control and He is indeed a powerful God. My spirits were immediately lifted. I felt His joy, peace and presence again surrounding me on all sides.
I pray that as you're reading this blog today that if you are going through a valley, that you could know that the valley DOES NOT have you - our most powerful God does and that God's presence will surround you and carry you on.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
God is Good All the Time
Today was the second chemo treatment and though not as anxious as the first time, I was hoping it would be better since I came armed with the "magic pill" to make the nausea better. Because the chemo makes your skin very sensitive they advise not to wear a scarf on your head rather than a scratchy wig. So I donned the scarf on my skinny head and put on a hat. While walking from the parking garage to MD Anderson the wind blew my hat off and left me with only my skinny head. While I was chasing the hat, I was sure all eyes were on me. But of course they weren't. (Isn't that something we are supposed to grow out of by about age 16? :)
We saw Dr. Baidas, the oncologist, first and he answered some questions that I was concerned about. He is such an intelligent man. English is not his first language but many of the things he says reflect a deep understanding of our language. I asked him if the chemotherapy drugs crossed the blood brain barrier and if not what was to stop these "floating cells" from going to the brain. He said though the chemo doesn'nt cross the barrier the cancer cells don't usually "seek sanctuary" in the brain first. Carl and I both commented later at the "seek sanctuary" comment. Many of us who have spoken English all of our lives aren't that descriptive. Dr. Baidas is very soft-spoken man and answers our questions kindly but very honestly. I like that.
Then we went upstairs to start the chemo. They draw labs and we wait for all the results to come back before they start the treatment. I asked when I should take the "magic pill" and she said wait until the labs get back because we don't want to waste it if the labs are bad. This time Carl had a good book to read and was able to take actually relax enough to read it. Guess, we're settling in :)
They came in and said we were good to go. I took the "magic pill" and prayed it would make a difference and the drugs started. About 10:30 my dear friend Ann came over from Winnie Palmer. She spent an hour visiting with Carl and I and it was such a blessing for both of us. It never ceases to amaze me how she can find an hour out of her very busy day and make it seem as though she has nothing else in the world to do. Thank you Ann.
Treatment was finished and I went home to rest. Eric had his play-off game at 6:45 pm and I wanted more than anything to go to it but I also knew how it was at 6:45 after the last treatment.
But 6:00pm came and I was just slightly nauseous. Armed with my Ritz crackers (thank you Jim, Petra and Alyssa) I started off for the game. As I was driving through Winter Garden I was praying aloud in my van. I thanked God that I was feeling good enough to go tonight, I thanked him for blessing me with wonderful doctors and medical facility he had picked for me. I thanked him for the blessings of friends who had called throughout the day to see how we were doing. As I was talking to God, a voice came into my head very clearly. But it wasn't God's voice it was Eric's and he said "if you don't slow down God is going to bless you with a speeding ticket." I looked down and noticed that I was going 52 mph in a 35. I laughed out loud. Guess the next time I pray aloud I'll look at the speedometer a bit more often :)
The game was so exciting and Dylan and Jayda were there so I was double blessed. As it turned out they were scheduled to play a second game at 8:45 but I really felt the nausea coming on stronger so I took Dylan and Jayda home and got to see baby Cooper awake with his eyes open. I think that grandchildren could take the place of any anti-nausea medicine if you could be with them constantly. But they had to go to sleep and I had to get home.
I headed home and prayed along the way (looking at the speedometer regularly). It's funny how 3 months ago I took so for granted being able to go to Eric's games. Tonight I thanked God for allowing me to feel well enough to go to this one.
God is Good all the time and all the time God is Good.
We saw Dr. Baidas, the oncologist, first and he answered some questions that I was concerned about. He is such an intelligent man. English is not his first language but many of the things he says reflect a deep understanding of our language. I asked him if the chemotherapy drugs crossed the blood brain barrier and if not what was to stop these "floating cells" from going to the brain. He said though the chemo doesn'nt cross the barrier the cancer cells don't usually "seek sanctuary" in the brain first. Carl and I both commented later at the "seek sanctuary" comment. Many of us who have spoken English all of our lives aren't that descriptive. Dr. Baidas is very soft-spoken man and answers our questions kindly but very honestly. I like that.
Then we went upstairs to start the chemo. They draw labs and we wait for all the results to come back before they start the treatment. I asked when I should take the "magic pill" and she said wait until the labs get back because we don't want to waste it if the labs are bad. This time Carl had a good book to read and was able to take actually relax enough to read it. Guess, we're settling in :)
They came in and said we were good to go. I took the "magic pill" and prayed it would make a difference and the drugs started. About 10:30 my dear friend Ann came over from Winnie Palmer. She spent an hour visiting with Carl and I and it was such a blessing for both of us. It never ceases to amaze me how she can find an hour out of her very busy day and make it seem as though she has nothing else in the world to do. Thank you Ann.
Treatment was finished and I went home to rest. Eric had his play-off game at 6:45 pm and I wanted more than anything to go to it but I also knew how it was at 6:45 after the last treatment.
But 6:00pm came and I was just slightly nauseous. Armed with my Ritz crackers (thank you Jim, Petra and Alyssa) I started off for the game. As I was driving through Winter Garden I was praying aloud in my van. I thanked God that I was feeling good enough to go tonight, I thanked him for blessing me with wonderful doctors and medical facility he had picked for me. I thanked him for the blessings of friends who had called throughout the day to see how we were doing. As I was talking to God, a voice came into my head very clearly. But it wasn't God's voice it was Eric's and he said "if you don't slow down God is going to bless you with a speeding ticket." I looked down and noticed that I was going 52 mph in a 35. I laughed out loud. Guess the next time I pray aloud I'll look at the speedometer a bit more often :)
The game was so exciting and Dylan and Jayda were there so I was double blessed. As it turned out they were scheduled to play a second game at 8:45 but I really felt the nausea coming on stronger so I took Dylan and Jayda home and got to see baby Cooper awake with his eyes open. I think that grandchildren could take the place of any anti-nausea medicine if you could be with them constantly. But they had to go to sleep and I had to get home.
I headed home and prayed along the way (looking at the speedometer regularly). It's funny how 3 months ago I took so for granted being able to go to Eric's games. Tonight I thanked God for allowing me to feel well enough to go to this one.
God is Good all the time and all the time God is Good.
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