1/3 Done !!

I received the 4th dose of 12 treatments today so that makes it 1/3 done! It went really well today. Believe it or not the port actually drew on the very first time. No heparin, no TPA and no standing on my head. My RN today was really sweet and funny. I have had her once or twice before. When she drew back and got blood return on the first try she said, "It was because of the little prayer I said." I told her I said one too so maybe that's the secret. Then she went to get the tubes to put the blood in for the labs and it stopped drawing. I laughed and said "Did you remember to say "Amen" at the end of your prayer? Maybe it isn't quite finished." She and Carl and I all laughed together. She said "Amen" and tried again and it drew without a problem. It felt good to laugh and to pray in there today.

This time my nurse ran the benadryl first and then ran the steroids and for the first time I didn't feel like "bugs" were crawling all over me (a side effect of the IV steroids). It was nice. The labs came back again severely anemic. She called the Dr. to try and get a transfusion but instead he just said he wanted to see me after chemo. Yuck.

While Carl and I were waiting, one of the administrators from Orlando Health walked past my room. She is a three time survivor of cancer and has been in remission for 19 years. I met her in January at an awards banquet, just days after I was diagnosed, and she was truly inspiring. Today, she was there to visit a friend who was in the room next to me receiving chemo for the first time. But she took the time to stop and talk to me and ask how I was doing. She commented on how beautiful my quilt was. I thought about how kind it was for her to take a moment and visit with me despite the busy schedule she had. Soon she left to go up to her office and get some pictures to show her friend.

And then came the best part of the day. I took a few minutes, grabbed my IV pole with all the meds and went next door to introduce myself. As I did so, I started to remember every single thing about my first day of chemo. Every question, every fear, every feeling and emotion. My heart just ached for this lady and I wanted so much to help ease her of her anxiety. We talked together and I told her I was certainly no pro, but I had finished the cycles of what she was getting and shared some things that helped me and some things that didn't. I told her that it helped me not to dwell on what the paper says about all the side effects because I would just convince myself I was experiencing all of them. I also told her that it helped me to "write my own story" as far as how the chemo would affect me. We had a wonderful visit and I told her I would keep her in my prayers. Soon the benadryl started kicking in. It has some powerful sleep properties. I went back to my room, before she started wondering if she should be listening to me at all. I silently prayed for her and thanked God for giving me the opportunity to be able to share with her. I was soo grateful for that.

When the chemo finished we went back down to see Dr. Baidas and he increased the iron again and added Folic acid. No transfusion yet. As before, he said we really need to get the iron counts up. We got finished and headed home in the rain. Carl has almost finished another book while waiting. He is becoming a walking encyclopedia about history, the FBI, war battles and politics in Iraq and Afghanistan. Chemo does have it's advantages :)

Spent a restful afternoon with minimal nausea. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!!

In Awe of You "Little One"

I remember like it was yesterday, my first day as a nurse in the NICU. It can best be described as "shock and awe". Before nursing school, I never even knew such a place existed. I knew there were premature babies but had no idea what that really meant.

Today, seventeen years later, I am just as much "in awe" of God's tiniest miracles, as the first day I laid eyes upon them. I know that my feelings are those of the many friends I work with in the NICU also. For us it is not a job. It is a calling. It is a very big part of our life and our hearts. And we want to pay tribute to you, little one, for we indeed "stand in awe of you."


Dear "Little One",

I stand in awe of you. You are so tiny, yet so perfect. You are small enough to be held in the palm of your daddy's hand and to wear your mommy's wedding ring on your arm as a bracelet. I stand in awe as I watch you work to open your eyes for the very first time.

I am in awe at your unique little personality. You will just lie there and let me do whatever needs to be done without making a peep while your next door neighbor will start yelling as soon as the doors to the isolette are opened.

I am in awe of the way you are able to communicate, even as tiny as you are. You know how to tell us when enough is enough, even though words are several years away. You will sneeze, you will furrow your little brow or you will raise your tiny hand in the air, palm outstretched as if to say "STOP! I can't take anymore right now."

I am in awe of the many unpleasant and sometimes painful procedures you endure, yet as soon as it's over and you are touched with a gentle hand you are so quick to forgive.

I am in awe of your strength despite your frailty. You have an incredibly strong will to live. Time after time you cause us to shake our heads in amazement at what you have been able to overcome.

I am in awe of the unending devotion of your parents. Hour after hour, day after day, week after week they sit by your bed. They pray for you, they long to hold you, they hurt when you hurt, they rejoice at each hurdle you clear.

You are indeed special, little one. "Your inmost being was created by Him. You were knit together in your mother's womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made." (Ps. 139:13).

"For He knows the plans He has for you. Plans to bless you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. "(Jer. 29:11)

I am honored, little one, to be a small part of your life. Caring for you brings great reward and blessing to me. And as I close my eyes in sleep tonight, know that I will remember you in prayer, that the Lord who holds you in the palm of his hand will bless you and keep you all the days of your life.

TREASURE THE MOMENT

After 50 plus years. I have finally learned how to treasure the moment. Not just live in the moment but treasure the moment. There is a big difference. Most of my life has been spent quickly living the moment and and jumping on to the next. Many times I was so busy figuring out what had to be done next, I missed the moment altogether.

But God in His mercy, has taught me along this journey, to treasure this moment He has given me, and let Him worry about the next. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself." ( Matt 6:34)

Today was a day filled with moments to treasure. I woke up still feeling pretty wiped out but as soon as I walked into the kitchen I was greeted with the radiant smiles and "Hi Granny" from little Wyatt and Logan. The first thing that came to my mind was "This is the day that the Lord Hath Made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." I stopped for a moment as if doing so would "freeze" the moment.

We took Wyatt with us to church and stopped to get sugar cookies with sprinkles for the children. By the time we got to church, Wyatt had red and blue stains from the sprinkles all over his face, hands and little blue suit jacket. Both socks and both shoes were off his feet. Ordinarily, I would have been frustrated because putting him back together would have taken extra time. But today I just looked at him, knowing that this little boy would grow up all too quickly and his little red and blue cookie stained face would soon become the face of a man. And I stopped to treasure the moment.

Today was Baby Logan's baptism. I sat with Eric, Katie, Dylan, Jayda, baby Cooper and Holly. I thought about how it seemed like only yesterday I held Eric in the very same pew as a tiny baby. And now I watched with a grateful heart as Eric sat holding his newborn son, with his family by his side. And I paused to treasure the moment.

Carl sang a beautiful solo from his heart and I closed my eyes and embraced the moment, not wanting the song to end.

I watched as our Pastor and friend took baby Logan in his arms (no small feat) to baptize him. I silently prayed he wouldn't scream when he felt the water on his head. But he didn't. They never do. I think at that moment God takes over and speaks to the babies because they never seem to cry when they are baptized. As Pastor Steve held baby Logan up before the congregation I, once again, paused to treasure the moment. I silently prayed that God would bless this child and surround him with His love and grace.

We went to lunch with some wonderful family friends. Little Wyatt sat practicing taking his shoes on and off. Baby Logan took his macaroni filled hands and wiped them all over Kristy's arm. We all laughed and I thought about how quickly the children in that family had grown up, how it seemed like yesterday when Greg was Baby Logan's age. And I stopped to treasure the moment.

Later that afternoon, after Holly and the boys went home we went to a supper at our church. When I got my plate, Daynin, one little boy who holds a special place in my heart, came up and asked "Can I sit at your table?" We sat down next to each other and talked about lakes and alligators and water skiing and tubing; all of the things little boys like to talk about. He told me proudly how his mom could water ski with one ski and how one day he would learn to ski barefoot.

As little Daynin talked, I thought about how quickly these moments in our lives go by. How easy it is to miss them. How we can't always get them back. And I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer of thanks to the One who lovingly provides those special moments and asks only that I stop and take time to truly treasure them.