I Pray You Enough

Yesterday we had lunch with Eric and Katy and baby Cooper. When they came in they hugged and kissed me. Do they know how much that brings me joy? Do they know it is my "enough"? I wasn't much into eating but little Cooper was and they handed him to me to feed. I held him close, took in his sweet smell, dropped a tear on his soft hair as I kissed him and it was my "enough."

We talked about family. Holly, Brent each of the grandkids. How big they are, how they are doing in school. How their sports are coming. When they would come for a visit. There is nothing I like more than talking about our family. And it was my "enough."

When we left we hugged again, and I held on for an extra moment. And it was my "enough."

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I pray you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I pray you enough, too, Mom.'

They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

'Well...I'm not as young as I once was, she lives so far away & has her own busy life. I have some challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said. 'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I pray you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

She began to smile. 'That's a prayer that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I pray you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Then, she began to cry, and walked away.


God has given me a new day and it is "enough."
To my precious family and friends I pray you enough!!

Looking Up

It is a new morning and as He is faithful. He "grants me new mercies fresh every morning." (Lamentations 3:23).

Yesterday morning my labs showed that my iron count was up by .02%. Not sure that was enough of an increase to make Carl turn green again from the liver and onions. My white blood cells (the infection fighters) are really low so I'll have to be extra careful not to catch anything. But I was able to receive the chemo. After a difficult morning with discouragement, I went home and slept. When I woke up, my friends Petra and Alyssa called just to give me a hug over the phone. God's timing is always "just the right time." What a blessing friends are in our lives!!

Later in the afternoon, the steroids kicked in and I have been wired ever since. Finally fell asleep at 3:30am and woke up at 6:30 wide awake and ready to go, but without the dampened spirit of yesterday morning.

As soon as I opened my eyes a scripture verse came to my mind. "I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help." (Psalm 121:1) I haven't thought of that one in a very long time but it must have been the one the Lord had chosen for me today.

As if He wanted to reinforce His message to me, I received this e-mail from my friend Pat. She felt like the Holy Spirit had led her to share it with me. (Yes Pat, He did!) I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it will bring you encouragement at "just the right time."

The Buzzard, The Bat and The Bumblebee

THE BUZZARD:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

THE BAT:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once it takes off like a flash.

THE BUMBLEBEE:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides
near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

PEOPLE:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up!

Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up!
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.

And today, I will look up and "lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help".

Rejoice

Carl and I are sitting here at MD Anderson and I am trying so hard not to break down. I don't exactly know why. Today marks the half way point for chemo and I should be happy. But when I walked in the room, I just had this overwhelming down feeling. I don't like it here anymore and really don't want to be here. I don't want to be sick or tired or have bone pain, anymore. But in the back of my mind I think that as long as I am receiving chemo, there is less chance of the cancer coming back somewhere.

The nurse didn't look up or speak to us when we came in. I asked what chair we should take and she said "just pick any one". When she came over, I so hoped for a smile or a "How are you today?" but she only asked me my date of birth and if I wanted the spray for my port. And for some reason the tears started to flow. I just couldn't stop them.

She accessed the port, OUCH! and left. Carl said to me "your disappointment is kind of obvious." So I went into the restroom to pray and ask God to lift my spirits and help me pull myself together.

A few minutes after I came out of the restroom, my friend Ann's secretary walked into the room and she was holding a small bag. She said, "Ann couldn't get away because she was busy with a very sick baby, but she asked me to bring this over to you. Inside the bag was a bowl of chicken noodle soup, some chocolate chip cookies and a card. The outside of the card said, "A Hug from God's heart." Inside the card, Ann had written this scripture. "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice."

Oh how thankful I am that God answered my prayer so quickly this morning! He not only provided nourishment for my body but the much needed nourishment for my soul today. Of all the scriptures that Ann could have chosen, this is the one that God knew I need to hear today!!
He is so good to me!

So now I am in a better frame of mind. We are waiting on the lab work to come back to see if I am moving away from an Olive Oil and closer to a Popeye. They should be better because last night we finally made liver and onions. It did smell up the house and Carl looked a bit green. But for me, it wasn't too bad because I have lost all my taste buds. So I just told myself I was eating chocolate cake! Yum.

So I sit here and wait for the labs and receive the chemo. But I will wait without tears for I know my God waits with me. He knows my feelings and He cares and I will Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!