The Will Of God Will Never Take You

Well, I am sitting here as a patient at MD Anderson writing this blog. Yesterday, when I was about to go to work, Carl said the fingers on my left hand looked a little swollen. But I didn’t pay it too much attention. I headed off to work and was busy throughout the day. Later in the afternoon I noticed a small lump in my neck. I called and made an appointment for Monday morning to have it checked out with my oncologist. A few times during the day my left arm felt sore but I just thought it was some muscle or joint pain from chemo. I had a long sleeved shirt on so I didn't notice my arms at all during the day.

I couldn't wait to get home that afternoon because my granddaughter, Jayda, was coming to spend the night and I was really excited about it. I had gotten movies to watch and popcorn and we had the trundle bed ready for a sleepover. By the time we got home with Jayda and I took off the long sleeved shirt my left arm, shoulder and neck area were red and swollen. We called the on-call oncologist and they wanted me to come right in to the hospital.

I was so disappointed at having to tell Jayda she wouldn't be able to stay the night. In tears, I said to Carl "Is it God's will for me to always be sick? Can I not catch a break? This is not what I had planned for tonight or tomorrow! I just wanted a fun night with Jayda."
But, that was my will.

We took Jayda back and headed to the hospital where they found a blood clot in a large vein in the left arm where my port is. They are treating me with a blood thinner to try and dissolve the clot and will be taking the port out as soon as possible.

My will for today was to be playing with Jayda, but God had other plans. I have no idea why. But He is continually reminding me that it is not about my will but about His. As if God knew I needed some extra reinforcement, a friend sent me this poem today.

The will of God will never take you:

Where the grace of God cannot keep you.
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you:

Where the spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you:

Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you:

Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

Remind me Father, that your will is perfect for my life. Forgive me when I selfishly desire only mine. Teach me, Lord, to trust in your will and not my own. Amen

Morning Time With God

I'm absolutely convinced that when I get up and don't allow a few moments with God before I start my day, it's gonna be a bad day.

Yesterday morning, I decided to sleep through my morning devotion time. I was soo tired and thought that the extra 30 minutes of sleep would help get me through the workday a little better. Getting ready for work was a chore. Walking into work was a chore. I knew by the time I got there I should have called in sick. I had an overwhelming urge to sleep any where I could find a place to lay my head. But I kept telling myself, that once I woke up, I'd have the energy I'd need. By 10:00 I was too weak to care for my babies. So I left work and walked across the street to my oncologists office. I fell asleep in the chair waiting to be seen. When Dr. Baidas came in, I told him how I had been feeling ever since the last chemo a week ago. He said "You have 2 things going on here." You are very dehydrated and you are exhausted. I can give you IV fluids and I can write whatever note you need for you to stay off of work. You need to be taking it easy."

I told him the work thing wasn't an option but the fluids sounded like a good idea to me. They told me to come back at 1:00 for the fluids so I found a little room at my hospital and slept for a couple of hours. Carl came down at 1:00 and sat for while the IV fluids infused. I was hoping they would work their magic, and I would be dancing a jig when they finished but it didn't happen:)

As we were walking out to the parking garage, Carl was kind of quiet. Like that quiet when he has something to say but he's afraid I might not take it well. I often envy his ability to thoroughly think about what he's going to say before he says it. I still haven't learned how to do that, and often times things come out that aren't said like I meant them, or are said at the wrong time.
So I took Carl's hand and said "what ya thinkin' so hard about?"

With a little hesitation, he said, "Well I don't want to act like your father or anything, but you need to give in to this and really rest. Working on sewing projects, doing the laundry, going to Joann's for fabric, it doesn't seem like that much to you but it all adds up to make you exhausted."

Oh God, how you have blessed me with such a wonderful man! How like our Heavenly Father, he thinks. Our Father loves us. He cares enough for us, to remind us that our physical bodies need as much tending as our spiritual minds. He provides chosen people in our lives to help us see that. How thankful I am that Carl is one of His chosen people and loves me enough to remind me of God's desires for my life.

We went home and I slept 13 hours. Going back for more fluids today. But today, when I woke up, I didn't skip my morning time with God and I know it's going to be a better day!!

Phillipians 4:13

Phillipians 4:13 was my verse for today. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Yesterday, Sunday, started out as though it would be a better day, but I struggled getting ready for church and struggled to stay awake during church. After not having kept food down in several days, I was too weak to go into work. So I slept most of the afternoon. Carl and I went to Olive Garden for supper that night and shared a dinner, but my half kept me up sick most of the night.

I really needed to be at work on Monday to be able to get my full time hours in, so every time I woke up sick in the night, I prayed for God to give me the strength to work today. As I was getting ready for work this morning, I figured out that my prayers in the night had actually totaled up to 7 prayers. I thought 7 was a pretty lucky number in the bible and maybe it wasn't just co-incidence that, that was how many times I awoke sick and prayed.

By the time I showered and got dressed I had my doubts, but remembered"( Phillipians 4:13.)" I packed a lunch and drove in to work in the rain. (Phillipians 4.13)
I hauled several bags of Georgia peaches into the hospital to give to my co-workers. (Philipians 4:13).
I took report on my babies seeing the needs that they would have for the next 12 hours. (Phillipians 4:13. )

I was still unable to eat breakfast. ( Phillipians 4:13)
I was unable to eat lunch (Phillipians 4:13)
But I WAS able to take care of my tiny patients in every way that they needed and deserved. (Phillipians 4:13) For the entire 12 hours, when it came to caring for them, God provided all the strength I needed.

And though I left physically tired, I left emotionally rejuvenated at being given His strength to do His work through me throughout this day.

God's promises are true. Even when we have our doubts. (Phillipians 4:13) showed me again today, that when we think we are too tired to go on, He will give us His strength to carry on. And it will always be enough.

Thank you Lord for your strength for this day. For carrying me through. For those that offer love, support, hugs and encouragement along the way. Indeed, your promises are true.
God's promises never fail!!