My Strength and Song

I have just returned home after being gone for the last 8 days.

On Thursday at 1:00pm, I was finally released from the hospital after spending 6 days in for the blood clot and port removal. My discharge instructions were: to not lift anything with my left arm, take the blood thinner injections twice a day, keep a close eye on the swelling and not "over do it".

Carl picked me up and, totally out of the blue, we decided to pick up Jayda and take her to see my sister in Alabama about 6 hours away. I was still feeling bad about having to disappoint Jayda the week before, when I got admitted to the hospital, so I was thrilled at our impromptu plan. Less than an hour after I was released, we were packed and on the road, a very excited little granddaughter in tow.

Now I know, that some may think I have lost my mind, by not going home and resting after just getting out of the hospital. But, I don't want to lay around in bed this entire cancer journey. Yes, there have been, and will continue to be days when that just has to be. But as long as God gives me the strength to live each day to the fullest, I plan to do that. Watching the pure joy on Jayda's face as she rode the horse with her adored cousin, played with the kittens, fed the fish in the pond and had a parade with the little dogs. Getting my nails painted in the makeshift bathroom nail spa, set up by Jenna and Jayda, while they sang Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift songs to me. Sharing memories about our Mom with my sister. Trying to put together more of our family tree. Looking up at the millions of stars in the Alabama night sky. So much I would have missed by "staying in bed and resting."

My sweet niece, Jenna, and I had morning devotions together this morning. It was about giving praise to the Lord. The scripture was Exodus 15:2. "The Lord is my strength and song. He has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him." We read together and we prayed together. What a blessing that was for me.

And tonight, I praise Him, for giving me the strength to be able to enjoy the blessings of the last couple of days. And I will praise him when I wake for whatever He has in store for the new day.

"He is my strength and my song and I will praise Him."

This Is the Day

Well, I ended up spending another night in the hospital. Both the oncologist and the surgeon released me to go late in the afternoon but neither one actually wrote an order, so I had another sleepover party last night. I should have invited Jayda:)

I went for my radiation simulation this morning. Even though I had my quilt, it was freezing in there and the table was like ice. I said to the girl, "wonder why it has to be so cold in here" and she said "it's for the machines". Oh good, I thought. I'm so glad the machines are comfortable:)

I guess, I live a sheltered life because I was pretty naive on the true meaning of a tattoo. I honestly didn't know it involved needles. I thought they were just going to draw some marks on me. Well, can I just tell you, that there are some places needles just shouldn't go!!

Being on the blood thinners caused some bleeding from the needles so instead of blue and orange it was kind of blue and red. So, I'm confused. What kind of a football fan does that make me, now? Blue and red??? Is that half Gator and half something else? Do I cheer for half of the Gator games or just sit in the middle and cheer the whole game. Oh the stresses of breast cancer!!

I came back to my room and got dressed in my regular clothes. I am standing at my door with suitcase in hand showing the most pitiful looking face to anyone who walks by. Maybe that will get me home. If not I have asked my NICU friends to come and bring a baby isolette over here with a blanket over the top, stuff me in there and sneak me out. Whatever it takes, I hope to be home today :)

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalms 118:24) No matter where we spend it!!

My Anchor

Went yesterday to get my port taken out. They came to pick me up at 6am. I went down to the OR and the last thing I remember was them saying you're going to feel a little sleepy. I woke up at 7 am this morning! 25 hours later. Boy now that was some anesthesia! Don't remember much of anything about yesterday. Carl says I kept repeating the same things over and over again. Hopefully any friends that called, didn't think I had lost my mind. If you called, I wanted to say "thank you" , because I don't remember if I did.

Today we are sitting in the hospital room, waiting for the surgeoon to come in and see if I can go home. The oncologist is okay from his standpoint. I started back on the blood thinner injections ( I had to be off of them to remove the port). Hoping now that the port is out, the clot will dissolve sooner.

The area where the port was, is a bit sore, but Ibuprofen is keeping that in check. It's a bittersweet feeling having the port gone. Though it was a constant reminder of cancer and chemo, there was a sense of security in having it, in case I needed chemo again. But, I know that my sense of security does not come from ports or chemo or radiation. It comes from the Lord. To place my sense of security and hope in things other than Him are negating His power and promises.

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." (Psalms 16:5)

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (2Peter 3:17)

He is my anchor and in Him I will place my hope.

Tomorrow morning, I go for my radiation simulation. From what I have heard, they place you in a mold and it hardens to make my individual form. Then they place the tattoos on your body to mark where the radiation will go. I'm going to ask for blue and orange tattoos since radiation will be during the Florida Gator football season. Go Gators !!