The Desert Will Burst in Bloom!

Just when I think I have this chemo day figured out, I learned I don't have it after all. What a crazy day.
We arrived at 8:30am for my appointment with the oncologist at 9:00. I was able to ask some questions that had been weighing on my mind and he answered them honestly and openly which I appreciate so much.
Armed with my Gator bag and my quilt, we headed to the 5th floor for chemo. They start by drawing blood from the port and sending it down to the lab to make sure all of the values meet the criteria for receiving the chemo. I was praying they would be OK after the pneumonia and the low hemoglobin, as I didn't want delay any treatment.
However, when she put the needle in to draw from the port, nothing would draw back. She tried several times and no blood return. I wasn't immediately concerned because I knew they could try some heparin (a medication to thin the blood and help remove clots). Maggie, my nurse was very patient and calm. I like that also. She said I'll just get some heparin and we'll have this thing working in no time.
After about 2 hours and 3 different doses of heparin, it still wasn't drawing. So Maggie, still trying to downplay the problem, said she would call pharmacy for some TPA ( a very strong anticoagulant). While waiting for the TPA we had a wonderful visit with a man named Dave who was also having chemo in the room we were in. While we were visiting an older man who was a volunteer came around and offered box lunches. Only the patients are allowed the lunches so they didn't ask Carl (although if they knew he was diabetic they probably would have offered). When they asked Dave what kind of sandwich he wanted he said "I'm finished here in a couple of minutes and I'd rather eat at home, just give my lunch to Carl." The older gentleman said he wasn't allowed to serve it to visitors and Dave said OK and I just said Carl and I would share mine. When the volunteer came back with the lunches, he waved the Dave's box lunch over Dave and then handed it to Carl. It brought a laugh to all us, including the volunteer.
We waited about an hour and a half for the TPA to work and no luck. About this time I started to pray (my stress relief) because I am a difficult stick and did not want to lose my port. I also knew that this chemo could not be given in an ordinary IV and I didn't want to delay the treatment even by one day.
Maggie ordered another dose of TPA and we tried for the next hour and a half with no success. By this time it was after 2:00 and Carl had to leave to teach. After Carl left, Maggie came back in and said she would try one more TPA and then call the oncologist. In the meantime she would just try to stick me for the labs so we could at least get them sent off. Oh boy, here we go a human pin cushion :)
When Maggie pushed the 3rd dose of TPA she explained that if we could get it to infuse a little she would ask the Dr. if we could go ahead and infuse the chemo and watch it closely and then deal with fixing the port afterwards. The 3rd dose of TPA gave just a little pink tinged return but it was better than we had seen so far. After a call to the Dr. she started the chemo.
She explained to me that after the chemo I would go to radiology for a portogram (pictures of the port to see if it had a fibrin sheath or a large clot). The fix was to go to the cardiac cath lab and guide a wire up through the femoral artery to the tip of the port and try to remove the clot or fibrin sheath. Maggie knew I was a nurse and she didn't have to tell me the risks as that was the first thing I thought of when she was explaining the procedure. Again I prayed that God would intervene and all fear of any risks disappeared. Thank you Lord.
After the chemo, I went to radiology. It was cold on the table in a gown and I wrapped up in my quilt.
Have you ever taken your child to the Dr. or the ER because they were so sick that they couldn't move; only to have them jump around and act like perfectly normal little creatures when the doctor walks in? Well, that's what happened in radiology. After chatting with the radiologist about how the NICU was, he started the test. As soon as he drew back on the port it flowed freely with blood return!! He looked at me and said "What exactly was the problem?" I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I said "Well either the TPA finally took effect or my prayers were just answered. I prefer to think it was my prayers." He smiled and spent the rest of his time reading my quilt and matching up names of nurses he might have known :).
By this time it was about 6:30pm. I still had the needle and tubes that go into the port hanging out. I walked over to MD Anderson Cancer center to get them removed and they were closed. Not a soul in sight.
So I left with the apparatus hanging out and went to the NICU to put up a thank you letter for my quilt and was able to visit with all my friends while waiting for Carl to pick me up. What a great way to end a long day.
When we got home at 8:30pm I was reflecting on the day. I thought about how stressful and irritating it could have been without prayer and the peace that God gives. As I opened a card that came in the mail today there was one that was so appropriate for this day that I wanted to I share it with you. It had a picture of a desert cactus on the front and it said:
"Life can seem a little prickly sometimes..... just before it blooms!"
"The desert and the parched land will be glad... it will burst into bloom: it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. " ISAIAH 35:1,2

That is the promise I stand on as I walk through this desert, it will burst into bloom and I will shout for joy!

Thank You to My NICU Friends

Today I learned that wonderful things can happen even when you are walking through a desert. So much so, that you can even forget about the desert for a time.

This morning I was excited to be able to go into the hospital to work. It had been two weeks since the last chemo treatment and I was feeling well. I love my profession and find such a sense of fulfillment in being "God's Hands" as I care for His tiny babies and their families.
As I began to take report from the night shift nurse, I heard someone call my name. I turned around and I saw about 20 of my co-workers from both night shift and day shift standing there. When I walked over, Ann, our manager presented me with the most touching gift I have ever received.
It was a hand made quilt, nearly the size of a full sized bed. The quilt was made up of many, many squares. Each square was hand written with a different inscription and signed by my friends in the NICU. Each saying was different, but they all had one common thread that said "We Love you, We care about you and We are praying for you." The back of the quilt was made of a warm, soft fleece (perfect for the cold chemotherapy sessions) with a heart in the center also filled with hand written squares. The center of the quilt was made up of pink squares and in the center square was my favorite scripture verse "Lamentations 3:23".
What a wonderful gift!! I was so humbled I couldn't speak. The hours of time spent in stitching it together, the incredibly kind words written by each of my friends touched my heart. I kept thinking about how God just keeps blessing me so abundantly with good things. Not only does He bless me with a profession that I love but He gives me people to work with whom I can truly call my friends.
I wanted to share an e-mail I received just tonight. It is an example of just one of the many, many cards and e-mails I have received from my NICU friends:
"Dear Roxanne, If the sheer will, thoughts and prayers can help to cure you, then you've got it all "sewn up." They say you are judged by the company you keep.....wrap yourself in that company. The NICU family is remarkable. we love you and miss your "company".
XOXO, Karla.

Yes, God sometimes asks us to journey through a desert. But NEVER does He leave us to journey alone. He gives us good friends. He provides us with all that we need to make the journey. And some days life will be so good you forget you are even in the desert.

When God Restores What The Locusts Eat

This morning, I opened my e-mail and this devotional was there. It spoke directly to my heart and I felt the need to share it with you, because we all have valleys, deserts and locusts in our lives. It takes on various forms and names but they are still times of famine. I pray these words will bring you comfort and hope just as it did me.

When God Restores What the Locusts Eat
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Tuesday, March 10 2009

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten - the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm - My great army that I sent among you." - Joel 2:25
There are seasons in our lives that involve times of famine and times of restoration. Solomon tells us that He has made everything beautiful in its time and that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven. (See Ecclesiastes 3:1,11.)
God brings about both the good and the bad. The seasons of famine have a divine purpose in our lives. They accomplish things that only these hard places can accomplish. But there is a time when those hard places have accomplished their purpose and He begins to restore. God did this with the nation of Israel after a season of famine and devastation.
Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for He has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten - the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm - My great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will My people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will My people be shamed" (Joel 2:23-27).
God wants each of us to know that there is a time when He will restore in order to demonstrate His gracious hand in our lives. He is a loving Father who tenderly guides His children through the difficult places. If God has taken you through a time of leanness, know that He is the restorer of that which the locusts have eaten. Wait patiently for Him to bring this about in your life. He will do it.