To quote my good friend Deloris, " Every day is a good day. Just some days are better than others." Today was "Better than others good day". Being the day BEFORE chemo I felt good enough to go in to work. I love working. I love the job that God has provided for me. I love the feeling of satisfaction in being able to care for sick babies.
One of the things that has been hard with this cancer is that people assume you are too sick or tired to do anything. So they don't ask. For me that has been harder to deal with than some of the physical obstacles. I think that is one reason why I am so blessed being able to go to work. I have a feeling of contributing and being needed.
My two patients today would be what some consider tiny. But in our NICU population they are BIG (5 and 6 pounds). In fact one of the doctors asked me if they picked out 2 of the biggest babies in the unit for me to take care of today. But I loved it. They were adorable babies and would open their eyes and look at me as if to say "Thank you for taking care of me." I thank God for letting me be His hands in caring for these sick little ones.
Well, tomorrow is the last round of 4 treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. One leg of the journey will be completed. Yeah!! Got my Gator bag and my quilt and I'm ready to go.
Lamentations 3:23
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Whatever It Takes
We just spent a wonderful week of Spring Break. Carl had the week off and we decided to take a week to relax. On Saturday we went to Epcot and saw the flower and garden festival. It was absolutely beautiful. We enjoyed walking around the park. It was a beautiful day. We even laughed as we chased my hat each time the wind blew it off. We ate at the German restaurant for the first time and walked out so full we could barely walk.
Monday we went to the Magic Kingdom with 5 million other spring breakers. After a couple of hours we went back to Epcot and spent the rest of the day walking around admiring the flowers and stuffing ourselves again at the German restaurant. Except for the bone pain, I had no trouble keeping up with Carl for 2 days of being playing tourist.
Tuesday we planted flowers at our house. Though it didn't quite measure up to Epcot they look beautiful in our yard. Carl planted the begonias in the shape of a treble clef and base clef. In the afternoon we went to see a movie, but we were so tired, we both slept through the entire movie.
Wednesday, we got to have lunch with Eric, Katie, Jayda and new baby Cooper. Being April fools day, Jayda said "Granny, I played a trick on Daddy this morning." I asked her what she did. She smiled that mischievous smile that I had seen many times on her daddy. "Well," she said, "I went into Daddy's room and cried. Daddy asked me what was wrong and I said. "I dropped baby Cooper on the floor on accident." I guess it got a reaction from Daddy. I laughed until I cried.
Thursday we went to Alabama to see my sister, brother-in-law and wonderful niece Jenna. We spent a relaxing 2 days visiting, enjoying the beauty of the country, watching Jenna ride Tank and play softball. We drove back Saturday night in time to enjoy a birthday dinner with our good friends, the Zabels.
The best part of the Spring Break week was today. Today was Palm Sunday. The beginning of Holy Week. Our choir presented a cantata called "The Love of Jesus". We had been practicing for weeks. I had sung it many times in the car as I practiced with the CD. But today, as I sang, God spoke to my heart several times. A time or two I was so moved by the music I could barely sing. As I sang the words to this song, I asked God to break my stubborn will and help me to do whatever it takes to draw closer to Him.
There's a voice calling me from an old rugged tree and it whispers "Draw closer to me."
Leave this world far behind. There are new heights to climb.
And a new place in Me you will find.
And whatever it takes, to draw closer to you Lord.
That's what I'll be willing to do.
And whatever it takes for my will to break
That's what I'll be willing to do.
Spring is a time to start anew. We do spring cleaning in our homes. We change our wardrobe to light, bright colors. We plant new flowers. I am grateful for the wonderful spring break week God allowed me to experience. I thank Him for allowing me to start anew when I make mistakes and fail to do His will. And I will praise Him for the new heights He would have me to climb, and pray that each and every day I would be able to do whatever it takes to draw closer to Him.
Monday we went to the Magic Kingdom with 5 million other spring breakers. After a couple of hours we went back to Epcot and spent the rest of the day walking around admiring the flowers and stuffing ourselves again at the German restaurant. Except for the bone pain, I had no trouble keeping up with Carl for 2 days of being playing tourist.
Tuesday we planted flowers at our house. Though it didn't quite measure up to Epcot they look beautiful in our yard. Carl planted the begonias in the shape of a treble clef and base clef. In the afternoon we went to see a movie, but we were so tired, we both slept through the entire movie.
Wednesday, we got to have lunch with Eric, Katie, Jayda and new baby Cooper. Being April fools day, Jayda said "Granny, I played a trick on Daddy this morning." I asked her what she did. She smiled that mischievous smile that I had seen many times on her daddy. "Well," she said, "I went into Daddy's room and cried. Daddy asked me what was wrong and I said. "I dropped baby Cooper on the floor on accident." I guess it got a reaction from Daddy. I laughed until I cried.
Thursday we went to Alabama to see my sister, brother-in-law and wonderful niece Jenna. We spent a relaxing 2 days visiting, enjoying the beauty of the country, watching Jenna ride Tank and play softball. We drove back Saturday night in time to enjoy a birthday dinner with our good friends, the Zabels.
The best part of the Spring Break week was today. Today was Palm Sunday. The beginning of Holy Week. Our choir presented a cantata called "The Love of Jesus". We had been practicing for weeks. I had sung it many times in the car as I practiced with the CD. But today, as I sang, God spoke to my heart several times. A time or two I was so moved by the music I could barely sing. As I sang the words to this song, I asked God to break my stubborn will and help me to do whatever it takes to draw closer to Him.
There's a voice calling me from an old rugged tree and it whispers "Draw closer to me."
Leave this world far behind. There are new heights to climb.
And a new place in Me you will find.
And whatever it takes, to draw closer to you Lord.
That's what I'll be willing to do.
And whatever it takes for my will to break
That's what I'll be willing to do.
Spring is a time to start anew. We do spring cleaning in our homes. We change our wardrobe to light, bright colors. We plant new flowers. I am grateful for the wonderful spring break week God allowed me to experience. I thank Him for allowing me to start anew when I make mistakes and fail to do His will. And I will praise Him for the new heights He would have me to climb, and pray that each and every day I would be able to do whatever it takes to draw closer to Him.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Confessions of a Control Freak
It is a new day!! I can't change a thing about yesterday. I can't control what will happen tomorrow. But I can control how I react to today.
I confess to being a control freak. A weakness in my life that God has had to "teach me about" for many years. (I think He would say I am a slow learner). I like my house in order. I can control that. I like to do my job 110%. I can control that. I like to be involved in doing things for people that make a difference. I can control that.
I have spent the last several days trying to figure out how I could control this desert of cancer. In doing so I have literally exhausted myself. What can I do to increase my chances of beating this disease? What can I do to have the energy I used to have? What can I do when I see someone out jogging (which I used to do) but now have such sore bones it is a struggle to walk fast. What can I do to prevent losing my fingernails and not be able to work? What can I do to fight discouragement? What can I do to find my positive attitude that seems to be lost somewhere? How can I take control ?
Well, I woke up this morning with the answer. It was the first thought I had as I opened my eyes. It's the same answer that God has given me everytime I try to take control from Him. (I told you I was a slow learner) .
There is only one thing I can do. I can make a conscious decision to give it all to God and let Him BE IN CONTROL. All of it. Not the parts I want Him to have. Okay Lord. Thank you for the thousandth time for your patience with me. Thank you for gently and patiently teaching me over and over and over again.
And this morning, I have the smile back. There is a joy in my heart. My spirit is light because I don't have to try and control everything that happens today. I don't have to figure out how to control tomorrow. I can use my energy to be thankful for the many things that He has done for me. The only thing I have to do is make a conscious decision to praise Him when doubts creep in.
He will do the rest!
Lamentations 3:23 - He gives NEW mercies fresh every morning!
I confess to being a control freak. A weakness in my life that God has had to "teach me about" for many years. (I think He would say I am a slow learner). I like my house in order. I can control that. I like to do my job 110%. I can control that. I like to be involved in doing things for people that make a difference. I can control that.
I have spent the last several days trying to figure out how I could control this desert of cancer. In doing so I have literally exhausted myself. What can I do to increase my chances of beating this disease? What can I do to have the energy I used to have? What can I do when I see someone out jogging (which I used to do) but now have such sore bones it is a struggle to walk fast. What can I do to prevent losing my fingernails and not be able to work? What can I do to fight discouragement? What can I do to find my positive attitude that seems to be lost somewhere? How can I take control ?
Well, I woke up this morning with the answer. It was the first thought I had as I opened my eyes. It's the same answer that God has given me everytime I try to take control from Him. (I told you I was a slow learner) .
There is only one thing I can do. I can make a conscious decision to give it all to God and let Him BE IN CONTROL. All of it. Not the parts I want Him to have. Okay Lord. Thank you for the thousandth time for your patience with me. Thank you for gently and patiently teaching me over and over and over again.
And this morning, I have the smile back. There is a joy in my heart. My spirit is light because I don't have to try and control everything that happens today. I don't have to figure out how to control tomorrow. I can use my energy to be thankful for the many things that He has done for me. The only thing I have to do is make a conscious decision to praise Him when doubts creep in.
He will do the rest!
Lamentations 3:23 - He gives NEW mercies fresh every morning!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
