UNDERSTANDING

Sometimes I just don't understand.

Last night I went to the Relay for Life held at the local high school. When I pulled into the parking lot one of the Cancer Society people stopped me and asked if I was a cancer survivor. I said "Well, I think right now I'm just a day to day chemo survivor and I'm not even sure about that sometimes." She laughed and said well that qualifies you to park in our special lot for survivors. Although I don't feel like a survivor at this point, I didn't argue because I had a bunch of stuff to carry onto the field where our site was.

We had an awning set up and a table with gardenias and all the towels I made to sell and donate to the walk. The entire field and surrounding track was full of people and tents like ours camped out ready for an entire night spent walking the track.

I was excited to be there with my family, especially my grandchildren. We settled in our chairs under the awning waiting for the night's festivities to begin when all of a sudden a strong wind came and took our entire awning and blew it down the field! After some help from those around us we got it back in place and Carl staked it down. We settled in again to relax and watch the people. Katie sat holding baby Cooper, Jayda was watching the towels lest they blow away again and we all sat in the chairs visiting. Next thing you know, the sprinklers came on all across the football field. Mind you these were not just ordinary sprinklers. The pressure from just one could likely put out a good sized fire. Katie and baby Cooper got soaked as well as the towels, stroller, chairs and everything else under the awning. After drying off the baby, we all laughed and wondered what would happen next.

Soon the music started and it was time for the walk to begin. The first lap is walked by the survivors. They are led around the track by a police motorcycle escort and as they walk by, all the people in the infield clap for them. I wondered at what point in their battle they actually felt like they were a survivor. One year, two years, five years? But then my eyes caught sight of a little boy, no more than 6 years old, with his "too big for him" survivor shirt on, being carried by his father around the track. My first thought was "What's wrong with this picture?" "Why this sweet little boy?" I love children, all children, and it tugged at my heart to think of all this little one had to go through to earn that shirt that was too big for him. "Why?"

After the survivors walk I went back to our site to hold baby Cooper and try to bring up my dampened spirits. All along the track the luminaries were being placed. (These luminaries are small bags with sand and a candle in them. On the outside of the bag is the name of the person who is being remembered. At dark they dim the stadium lights and light all the candles as the bagpipes play).

After a while Carl and I decided to walk up to the concession stand to find something to eat. As we walked I started reading some of the luminaries along the way. "In loving memory of our Grandpa". "Daddy, you are our hero." "We miss you grandma." Bag after bag written with words of love. But then I saw one that said "In Loving Memory of Nathan 2001 - 2005." Four years old! My eyes filled with tears. "Why?" I asked God almost loud enough to be heard, "What could possibly be the reason for allowing this little one to be taken from his family in such a short time? Why the little children? Why are babies born so early they never have a chance be what they were supposed to be? Lord, I just don't understand!"

And then I heard His voice in a scripture, "Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror, but then we shall see face to face." Now I know only in part, but then I shall know fully." (1Corinthians 13:12) I went back to hold baby Cooper. As I looked into my infant grandson's face I understood. I can no more understand God's ways than this new baby can understand what is happening on this field tonight. But Cooper doesn't have to understand. He is perfectly content being held in my safe and secure arms. And I don't have to understand, for one day it will all become clear. But for now I am perfectly content being held safe and secure in my Father's arms.

CAUSES

Tonight is the annual Relay for Life to benefit the American Cancer Society. I've been looking forward to it for several weeks and I'm excited about being a part of it. I'm hoping my bones co-operate long enough to walk a few times around the track. with my family. Our family started participating in this 2 years ago in memory of Katie's dad, John, as a way to honor him and help with the cause of fighting this disease. I believe in this cause, though it's weird because I still feel as though I am supporting it for others and not myself. Even after 4 months, I still sometimes feel like I am in a dream and going to wake up and not have this cancer. But then reality sets in and I know that this cause will help me and others who fight the same battle.

The relay is a nationally recognized cause. It is supported by hundreds of thousands of people. Some walk in memory of loved ones, some in honor of loved ones fighting the battle, some who are fighting it themselves and some who are survivors. The track is lined up with luminaries that will be lit when nightfall comes. Watching so many people walking the track lit with those candles is an absolutely beautiful sight. We have a tent at the high school and I have been busy making embroidered towel to sell at the walk to raise money to give to this cause.

As I'm sitting here making these towels, I have been thinking about the causes we choose to support in our life. Why do we choose to support certain causes? Many causes reap rewards that we are able to see now, such as new medicines and new treatments towards fighting diseases. Sometimes the rewards won't be seen until our children's or even our grandchildren's generation. But we know that by supporting that cause, we are making a difference. If we really believe in a cause we gladly give our time, our talents and our money. We tell others about it. Sometimes we believe in it so strongly it becomes a passion in our life. I believe in this cause of fighting cancer, and I will do all I can to support it.

But for me there is no more important cause than the cause of Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed to say it. I'm excited about it. I want to tell others about it. I want Him to have the first of my time, talents and gifts. I believe that supporting His cause can make a difference. And the rewards that we receive by supporting His cause will last for an eternity! ALL PRAISE TO HIM!!

Too Busy

I haven't written in several days. Life has been so busy since I last posted. Friday night we went to a play at the High School. Saturday, we went to my son Eric and his wife Katie's for a huge Fund raiser party in honor of John, Katie's dad, who passed away 2 years ago from pancreatic cancer. It started at 2:00 pm and went on into the evening. They had a huge slide for the kids, the band played and they sold food. All the proceeds were donated to the American Cancer Society Relay for Life in which we will participate this coming Friday night. Sunday we went to church, out to lunch, home for a nap and out to dinner and a movie. Monday I worked on projects for our church Health and Safety Fair. Then I began working on towels to sell at the Relay for Life Friday night. Then I took Jayda to see the Hannah Montana movie. We had popcorn and skittles for dinner and ice cream for dessert. (Only with Granny). After the movie, I dropped Jayda off at home, visited with baby Cooper and went home, where I worked on projects until late into the night.

It's Tuesday morning and quiet in the house as Carl is at the dentist. I'm sitting here thinking about how I can plan my day to be most productive with all that I need to do. My bones ache so bad I'd rather just stay in my chair. No, the library to return a book, the pharmacy to fill a prescription, Michaels for paint for the Relay for Life sign, Target for more towels for the Relay for Life, Dylan's baseball game and then Eric's softball game tonight. So much to do.

And as I sit here in the quiet, I realize I haven't written anything on my blog for several days. Hmmm, I thought. That's funny, God hasn't given me anything to write lately. Wonder why. And that still small voice whispers to me "I haven't spoken to you because you have been too BUSY to talk to me." And then I am reminded of the last several mornings where I have gotten up, ready to start my busy day without so much as a "Good Morning" to God. I have gone through the activities of the day too busy to talk to him. Maybe tonight I say. And at night I fall into bed drifting off to sleep in the middle of my prayers not even knowing what I said.

Does this ever happen to you? It seems as though God is quiet. Like you haven't heard from Him in awhile? Yet, you are so busy doing things that there is no time in your day to spend with Him? Even for a few moments? It happens to me. But then the still small voice gently speaks to me, beckoning me to spend time with Him. Can you hear it? We have to be unbusy and still for a moment to hear it, but it's there.

Yes, there are many things on my "To Do" list today. But for now, I am going outside, in my swing, with my bible, and spend time with God.