I shared a bit in my last blog about what a strange time this is for me. It is difficult to describe in words. It is not disturbing, just unsettling. Since finishing treatment and all the busyness that surrounds that, it has been a very quiet time. I know that it is a time to rest and heal from the journey through the desert. I know that it is not possible physically, right now, to go and do like I did before. But this uneasy feeling wasn't coming from that.
As I thought about it, I realized that for so long, my purpose has been spent trying to share what God was doing in me and through me on this journey. And now I am coming out of the desert and I ask myself, "What next?" I even wondered if God would still give me words to share on my blog.
It seems like I am wandering around in the dark with a blindfold on, being led by God to a place I don't know. I think my reliance upon Him, these last few days, has been every bit as strong, as any time during this journey.
"What is your purpose for me now, Lord? Will you have words for me to share? Will you still be able to use me?, I prayed.
Then, I began my morning devotions and read these words from Os Hilman,
Joshua was known for almost 40 years as "Joshua, servant of Moses." God's preparation for him required years of selfless service, training in the desert, and tests of faith. Those preparation years were booster rockets designed to move Joshua into each new stage of his development and his ultimate calling.
God allows each of us preparation times to lay a foundation that He plans to build on. Some of those foundation times appear to be laborious and meaningless, yet these experiences are what God is using to frame your life for the message He plans to speak through you. Without these experiences, the Jordan River can never be crossed and we cannot enter the Promised Land. Embrace these times of seeming inactivity from God. They, too, are a rocket booster to your next stage of your walk with God.
"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6).
As I began to read this morning's devotional, tears filled my eyes. For, I knew after reading the first sentence, that God was speaking directly to me. By the time I finished, I was on my knees in humble gratitude for God Almighty hearing and answering my prayer.
Heavenly Father,
I look forward to what you will do in the "next stage" of my life. For I know you will complete the work you have begun in me. But for now, in this stage, I will "embrace" this time. I will surround, encircle and enclose myself in your loving arms. Thank you for holding me while I wait on you.
Amen
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
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Roxanne, I've come back about 4 times to reread your post (and your last few posts, too), and have thought a lot about what you have said. This is partly because I've been there, and am STILL there, trying to find the new pathway after coming out of that desert of cancer treatments. Even though things LOOK the same, somehow, we are not. We have grown deeper, priorities in life are either more sound or have changed some, our perspective on life changes, and we realize that each and every minute of every day is the most precious gift God has given us.
ReplyDeleteBut maybe there is one thing you have NOT realized. I just recently learned that my shoes don't fit anymore! I don't mean your real shoes. I mean the shoes that the Lord gave you when you first headed into this Breast Cancer desert. Remember, He told the Isrealites that their shoes would not wear out as they walked through the desert --- neither did yours!!!!! And they served your feet well during that time, held you up, took you through so many things, protected you, etc. But now, you stand on the other side, no longer in sandy places. Time to check the shoes He has available for you, Roxanne. Who knows --- maybe it's slippers for a while. A good, long, needed rest and time to study maps of possible directions He might want to take you. Wherever that may be, He provides the shoes!!!!!