Where Two or Three Agree

I have just returned home after a 2 1/2 hour drive and am happy to be out of the van. Partly because of achy bones but mostly because I was anxious to write about the last couple of days.

On Tuesday evening, after the first treatment of Taxotere that morning, I was pretty wiped out. Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling terrible and running a fever. I guess the 3 white blood cells got overwhelmed:) I spent most of the day in the bed, disappointed at having to miss bible study and choir (my two favorite things to do during the week).

Thursday morning, I got up still not feeling well. But, here's where the good part begins. My daughter, Holly, was to be promoted on Friday morning, in Jacksonville, to sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps. I wanted more than anything to be able to see her receive her ranks. So, I started to pray that God would take control of whatever was going on in my body and give me the strength to go to the ceremony. I knew that God would hear my prayer, but what I didn't know at the time was how many other people were praying for me. That very day, I received five different e-mails and two cards from people who simply said "I'm praying for you" or "you are in my prayers". They didn't know how badly I was feeling nor how much I wanted to go to the ceremony, but God did!!

And this morning, the morning of Holly's promotion, I woke up feeling like a new person! No fever, no malaise and feeling like I might finally be able to keep down some food.

And because of answered prayer, I DID attend her ceremony!!

One by one, Marines of all ages and ranks filed onto the quarter deck, standing at attention, awaiting the entrance of the Colonel. As I stood there, I was filled with gratitude for the dedication of our service men and women and a deep sense of patriotism for our country. When the Colonel came in, he spoke to his Marines and then turned to face Holly who was standing at attention. And as he pinned her new ranks onto her uniform, I watched through tear filled eyes, not with pride, lest I should boast, but with thankfulness for what God has done in her life.

As I was driving home this afternoon, thanking Him for answered prayer, I remembered a scripture. It comes from the book of Matthew 18:20 "Where two or three agree together in my name, there I will be also." I thought about the many people who have prayed for me, some that I know about and many more that I don't. And I just want to say, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU" for coming to God on my behalf. For I know that, He hears those prayers and will be faithful to answer them according to His will.

SURVIVOR

One down and 11 to go.

Before going over to the cancer center this morning, I went up to the NICU and visited with my friends. That's always a good way to start the day. Then I headed across the street with my scripture verse Phillipians 4:13 printed on a little piece of paper in my pocket, asking God to give me His strength today.

My treatment was scheduled to start at 9am. It's always a question as to whether the port will cooperate. After the usual bending, coughing, standing on my head and heparin didn't work, they decided to run a bag of fluids through it fast. That did the trick. Yay!! I can honestly say that nothing I have tried deadens the skin when they put that needle in the port. And, why do they have you take a deep breath and count to 3 when they stick you on count of 2.? Dirty trick. I don't trick my patients, even if they can't count to 3 :)
Labs were drawn and sent. When the results came back my white blood cells were very low so I guess I need to be REALLY careful about catching something. And the anemia was .1 of a point over what would have kept me from getting the treatment so I was thankful for that.

This time I brought my laptop to help pass the time. Carl had to take the car in to see about a problem. The first infusion was Benadryl followed by an infusion of Decadron. I e-mailed my friend during the decadron infusion and said "Benadryl followed by Decadron. I think I will now be Bi-Polar." :) Then the infusion of the taxotere over about 2 1/2 hours.

Carl got back just in time for the end of the treatment and we went straight home for some Ritz crackers and anti nausea drugs. This treatment had me feeling sick before it was finished infusing. I think I miss that little "magic" pill.

But the best part of the day came when I got home. A few days ago I had written on my blog about "when you actually feel like you are a survivor." Some say you are a survivor the day after you are diagnosed. I really questioned that and have wondered when I will truly feel like I am one.

Well, I opened up my e-mail and there was a beautiful answer to my question. I believe the answer came from God through Ann, my sister in Christ. I was so uplifted by it, I asked her if I could share it here. Her answer was, to share anything that might help someone as God leads. Here is her answer to "When Are You A Survivor."

Dear Roxanne,
I have no idea how to post something to your blog but I wanted to tell you....You are a survivor each day you awake to God's grace anew. And when your final days come many years from now and you awake to God's Holy arms and His beautiful face, you are a survivor then too. For you have lived on this Earth, battled with Satan's powers, and left a legacy of love, faith and grace. Fight on my dear friend and survivor!
Blessings and God's strength for each new day.
Ann

I AM a survivor for I wake each day to God's new mercies and grace!
And I pray, with all my heart, that whatever trial or battle you are facing right now, that you can know God's fresh new mercies and grace every morning. For then, we can truly call ourselves SURVIVORS!

LAMENTATION 3:23

CONSIDER IT JOY

Which one sounds the best? 12 treatments, 12 weeks or 3 months. I have had the hardest time staying upbeat yesterday and today. Tomorrow, I start the first of 12 weekly treatments of Taxotere. I keep trying to find the positive things in that but haven't come up with much. I guess it's good that this drug doesn't cause the heart damage like the last one. And the only hair left to lose is 4 eyelashes on the right eye. Bottom line, I'm just not ready for tomorrow.

When I started the Adriamycin, Cytoxan though I was nervous, I was quite positve about it. Maybe "clueless" was the better word.

But this time I know better. Last time I had treatment every 3 weeks (1 bad week and 2 good weeks to recover). How will that math work this time with every week treatment? Last time I had the "magic" pill called Emend to help with the 1st 3 days of nausea. Not this time. I went into the last treatment full of energy. I'm going into this one exhausted. Last time it was 4 treatments and that seemed do-able. This time is 12 and it's seems overwhelming. Okay could I have a little cheese with my whine please?

And, I have to confess. Sometimes I think that if God had given me a choice when He chose to do His work in me this way, I would have had to join Moses and some of the others in the bible in saying "Who Me?" "Maybe, Lord, you have the wrong person." "Maybe we could go to Plan B because I don't think I can do Plan A."

But, I know that God knows best and that's why, Thanks be to Him, He didn't give me the choice. I have already seen how He has worked in my life through this in just the last 4 months.

A few days ago I shared a scripture from the book of James and I have been thinking about it a lot since then. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds." (James 1:2) What does that mean? Does God expect me to say "Lord, I am so happy that you chose to allow me to have cancer. Thank you for letting me go through this. I consider it pure joy." Absolutely not. He knows my heart. He knows it's not what I would have chosen. He doesn't ask me to walk around pretending to be happy about having cancer. But, He asks me to consider, to think about, to look forward to the work that He will do in me and through me according to His purpose and that the end result WILL be something to be joyful about!

We will all face trials in our lives. The scripture said "Consider it pure joy WHEN you face trials." It didn't say IF you face trials. No one goes from the cradle to the grave without trials. Jesus faced a tremendous trial when He went to the cross. He wasn't joyful that night in the Garden of Gethsemanee. He even asked His Father to take the cup from Him if it be His will. But He knew that when that trial was over there would be great joy because all of God's children would have a place with Him forever.

I asked God in prayer this afternoon to give me encouragement and strength to begin the next leg of this journey. He answered both requests. First, Carl came in with a bouquet of flowers. What nicer encouragement could I have received! Oh how I love him. Second, God gave me a scripture that I will carry with me tomorrow and the days to come "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phillipians 4:13).

And now I am ready for tomorrow.