Yesterday, we had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. I had been apprehensive for several weeks about this visit. Although I love my doctor, I never like going for that appointment because I always end up coming out feeling discouraged and out of "control". (Uh-Oh. There's that word again)
At this appointment, I was to discuss whether or not I wanted to be scanned to see how chemotherapy worked for me. I have written in my blog before, that my doctor was not in favor of having scans because there was no other chemotherapy to offer than what I had already been given. He advised to wait for any symptoms that would indicate that it had spread and scan at that time. The medical person in me had a hard time with that. I am so used to using all the tests available in medical situations and knowing exactly where the condition stands at any given time. But, my doctor, respecting my position, said that he would do whatever I felt comfortable with. He would offer his recommendations, but would leave the decision up to me. Hence, the constant prayer before I went in. I had asked the Lord to give me discernment and peace about the appointment and specifically about the scans .
As I was in prayer Sunday evening, God reminded me of the words I had shared in my testimony that morning. I spoke of how God had taught me in the desert to give my "control" to Him. And when I finally did that, I experienced an incredible freedom! As I prayed about the doctor's appointment, that word "control" just kept coming to mind.
Tuesday morning, I told Carl, I had come to a decision and truly did have a peace about it. I had decided that God had chosen Dr. Baidas specifically for me. In fact, he had chosen each and every medical person on this journey. He had placed me at the excellent MD Anderson cancer center. His hand had been in control of my care from the very beginning. I would continue to trust Him now, to know when I would need to have those scans.
At the appointment, Dr. Baidas did a thorough exam and found nothing that immediately concerned him. He said he would see me in three months and that I should not hesitate to call him if I noticed anything out of the ordinary before that. I did not ask for any scans.
As we walked outside and I looked up at the beautiful blue sky, I once again experienced that incredible freedom that comes from having given the "control" to Him. It was as though God was saying, "I was just waiting for you to come to me." As Carl took my hand, I felt like I could float away. No scans, no tests, no labs, a much needed break for both of us!
Later that evening, I picked up our granddaughter Jayda from cheer practice. We went home and ate dinner and waited for Carl to finish teaching. After he finished, the three of us went to Eric's softball game. About half way through the game, little Jayda was standing up against the fence, and Carl, who was sitting in the bleachers, said, "Jayda, I have been with you for a long time tonight and I haven't even gotten my hug yet." Little Jayda looked up at him and quickly replied, "Well, I was just waiting for you to come to me." And with that, Carl jumped down, lifted her into his arms and she smothered him with love.
How like our Lord, was this sweet little child. He never pushes. He never rushes. He just quietly and patiently waits for us to come to Him. And when we do He lifts us into His arms and cover us with His love!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
LOOKING BACK
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.” (Hosea 2:14)
"Because of your great compassion, you did not abandon them in the desert." (Nehemiah 9:19)
"Till the spirit is poured upon us from on high and the desert becomes a fertile field." (Isaiah 32:15)
Last Thursday night and then again on Sunday, I was given the chance to share my testimony to what God has done in my life since starting on this journey. I have tried to do that on the blog all along, but there are many who don't have access to a computer and hadn't heard my story.
But, I didn't know where to start. How could I express in 20 minutes the incredible work God has done since last December? So many examples of His hand in my life, His grace and His strength in the desert. How could I find the words? And the Holy Spirit softly whispered, "I will give you the words." What a tremendous blessing for me to stand and share aloud God's great faithfulness.
In preparation for sharing, I spent much time "looking back". Reliving the time spent in the desert over the last year. I went back and read many of the blog posts along the way. I thought about the first ultrasound findings and how terrified I was. About the very powerful devotion God gave to me entitled "The Purpose of the Desert" that outlined what He would be doing in my life for the next year and beyond.
I looked back at all the people that God had placed in my path both through the blog and in everyday circumstances. The fears, the tears, the "what if's", the ups and downs all along the way. The many people who have touched my life and lifted me up in prayer.
But most of all, looking back, I saw how God has totally changed my life through this desert. I saw my relationship with Him when I entered the desert (which I thought was pretty good) and the depth of my relationship with Him now. How He taught me, through it all, to be dependent on Him for everything in my life.
Last December, if God had told me what my desert would be and given me a choice in the matter, I know I would have said “No Way”. You have the wrong person here. I can’t do that!"
There is a story about a man who died and spent a day in heaven. The next day the angel came and said “there was a mistake and you shouldn’t have died yet.” If you would like, you can go back to earth and live out the rest of your days. But the man had experienced being in the presence of the Holy God and he knew that he could never be happy going back.
And today, looking back, I can only say, "Thank You Lord for not giving me a choice!!"
"Because of your great compassion, you did not abandon them in the desert." (Nehemiah 9:19)
"Till the spirit is poured upon us from on high and the desert becomes a fertile field." (Isaiah 32:15)
Last Thursday night and then again on Sunday, I was given the chance to share my testimony to what God has done in my life since starting on this journey. I have tried to do that on the blog all along, but there are many who don't have access to a computer and hadn't heard my story.
But, I didn't know where to start. How could I express in 20 minutes the incredible work God has done since last December? So many examples of His hand in my life, His grace and His strength in the desert. How could I find the words? And the Holy Spirit softly whispered, "I will give you the words." What a tremendous blessing for me to stand and share aloud God's great faithfulness.
In preparation for sharing, I spent much time "looking back". Reliving the time spent in the desert over the last year. I went back and read many of the blog posts along the way. I thought about the first ultrasound findings and how terrified I was. About the very powerful devotion God gave to me entitled "The Purpose of the Desert" that outlined what He would be doing in my life for the next year and beyond.
I looked back at all the people that God had placed in my path both through the blog and in everyday circumstances. The fears, the tears, the "what if's", the ups and downs all along the way. The many people who have touched my life and lifted me up in prayer.
But most of all, looking back, I saw how God has totally changed my life through this desert. I saw my relationship with Him when I entered the desert (which I thought was pretty good) and the depth of my relationship with Him now. How He taught me, through it all, to be dependent on Him for everything in my life.
Last December, if God had told me what my desert would be and given me a choice in the matter, I know I would have said “No Way”. You have the wrong person here. I can’t do that!"
There is a story about a man who died and spent a day in heaven. The next day the angel came and said “there was a mistake and you shouldn’t have died yet.” If you would like, you can go back to earth and live out the rest of your days. But the man had experienced being in the presence of the Holy God and he knew that he could never be happy going back.
And today, looking back, I can only say, "Thank You Lord for not giving me a choice!!"
Saturday, October 24, 2009
One..Two..Three...
My blog has been quiet for a few days. I have been recovering from vacation and resting. I am getting my strength and energy back each day. Now I don't take a shower and desire to go back to bed. Each day is better and better. And I have eyelashes back!! WooHoo. (It's the little things sometimes:)
I have also been given the opportunity to share my testimony about what God has been doing along this journey. I have spent alot of time in prayer and preparation because it is soo important to me that the words that are shared are His words and not mine. That the presentation would be about Him and not about me because it's "just not about me."
God has given me so many new internet friends along this journey who share the common bond of breast cancer. Even though I have never met them in person, the relationships become very strong through time spent in constant communication. When they hurt I hurt, when they jump a hurdle or pass a milestone, I rejoice with them. It is awesome to me how you don't have to see a person face to face to love them. (Isn't that how it is with our relationship with Christ?) We don't see Him face to face but He is a friend who is always there, hurting with us in hard times, rejoicing with us in our good times, loving us always.
This morning, I wanted to ask for prayer for one such friend and sister fighter, that I have met on the internet. Debi has courageously wrestled with the breast cancer alligator, but, lost her battle last night. She leaves a wonderful and supportive husband, Scott (Gasketman), and two beautiful daughters. I wanted to share Scott's post this morning.
One.....Two.....Three..... (by Gasketman)
The Alligator's down for the count Debi's Won!!!!!! Debi snatched defeat right from under the Alligator's greedy snout on October 22, 2009 at 7:43 pm. She leaves the wrestling ring dignified, undefeated and has decided to retire from Alligator Wrestling. Now she is making her home in Heaven, where she has chosen her perfect body, hair style and is enjoying some quality time with her father.
Debi steps onto the shaded wood deck of her newly remodeled mansion and pours her first glass of red wine in over 23 months. The mansion she chose is on the lake, encircled by grandiose cliffs that provide a back drop for her serene little meadow surrounded by trees in her own little slice of heaven, where she can see the glorious sunsets. Debi grabs her favorite Fennwick rod and Sumano fishing reel and sits on the porch as she casts her line into the glassy blue water of her own personal dream lake and enjoys a glass of her favorite Yellow Tail Shiraz wine from Australia and rests from her Championship Wrestling Match.
Debi retires with the memories of two wonderful girls ages 10 and 16 years old, and the support of one tireless side-kick( Gasketman ). She enjoyed 18,254 sunrises and now she is enjoying an eternity of sweet smelling breezes, silver lined clouds, magenta skied, golden gilded sunsets in her own heavenly mansion.
As you read this, could you lift up this beautiful family in prayer? That they may receive God's strength and peace that will continue in their lives until they all meet again.
Enjoy your heavenly sunset, Debi and know that you are loved!
I have also been given the opportunity to share my testimony about what God has been doing along this journey. I have spent alot of time in prayer and preparation because it is soo important to me that the words that are shared are His words and not mine. That the presentation would be about Him and not about me because it's "just not about me."
God has given me so many new internet friends along this journey who share the common bond of breast cancer. Even though I have never met them in person, the relationships become very strong through time spent in constant communication. When they hurt I hurt, when they jump a hurdle or pass a milestone, I rejoice with them. It is awesome to me how you don't have to see a person face to face to love them. (Isn't that how it is with our relationship with Christ?) We don't see Him face to face but He is a friend who is always there, hurting with us in hard times, rejoicing with us in our good times, loving us always.
This morning, I wanted to ask for prayer for one such friend and sister fighter, that I have met on the internet. Debi has courageously wrestled with the breast cancer alligator, but, lost her battle last night. She leaves a wonderful and supportive husband, Scott (Gasketman), and two beautiful daughters. I wanted to share Scott's post this morning.
One.....Two.....Three..... (by Gasketman)
The Alligator's down for the count Debi's Won!!!!!! Debi snatched defeat right from under the Alligator's greedy snout on October 22, 2009 at 7:43 pm. She leaves the wrestling ring dignified, undefeated and has decided to retire from Alligator Wrestling. Now she is making her home in Heaven, where she has chosen her perfect body, hair style and is enjoying some quality time with her father.
Debi steps onto the shaded wood deck of her newly remodeled mansion and pours her first glass of red wine in over 23 months. The mansion she chose is on the lake, encircled by grandiose cliffs that provide a back drop for her serene little meadow surrounded by trees in her own little slice of heaven, where she can see the glorious sunsets. Debi grabs her favorite Fennwick rod and Sumano fishing reel and sits on the porch as she casts her line into the glassy blue water of her own personal dream lake and enjoys a glass of her favorite Yellow Tail Shiraz wine from Australia and rests from her Championship Wrestling Match.
Debi retires with the memories of two wonderful girls ages 10 and 16 years old, and the support of one tireless side-kick( Gasketman ). She enjoyed 18,254 sunrises and now she is enjoying an eternity of sweet smelling breezes, silver lined clouds, magenta skied, golden gilded sunsets in her own heavenly mansion.
As you read this, could you lift up this beautiful family in prayer? That they may receive God's strength and peace that will continue in their lives until they all meet again.
Enjoy your heavenly sunset, Debi and know that you are loved!
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