Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Today I had my second appointment with Dr. Baidas. The results of the pathology reports and scans were back. It is a Stage 3 invasive ductal adenocarcinoma. The CT scans and bone scans came back negative so I praise God for that. I was able to ask him several questions I had prepared ahead of time. One question that had been on and off my list several times was "What is my prognosis?" I really couldn't decide if I wanted to ask him that. After listening to his statistics of the likelihood of the cancer coming back in other places, I decided then and there that I would not ask that question. I heard a quiet voice telling me that God has a plan for my life and He alone knows the final outcome. I left there with a strong sense of peace and never regretted having not asked the doctor that question.
I am scheduled to start chemo one week from today. A whole new territory. I will give myself daily injections to stimulate the bone marrow to produce more infection fighting cells. Oh, boy.
After leaving MD Andersom, we went to the NICU to see Ann. What a true blessing she is in my life. I am again overwhelmed at the friends that I work with. They are so caring and encouraging. I went into peek on Addie. They put her in a "big girl crib". She looks so tiny in that bed but she looks good.
After visiting with all of my friends at the hospital, we had lunch with Lori Nolin. Another blessing in my life. I am thankful for her friendship also.
The rest of the day was spent making gifts for all the girls at work who are expecting new babies. What a fun way to spend the afternoon.
When I opened my work e-mail today there was a devotional that Ann felt compelled to share with me. As always, God's timing was perfect and I felt like God was speaking directly through this devotional. I have posted it below.

Seeing the Works of God

"Others went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters. They saw the works of the Lord...." - Psalm 107:23-24a

When you were a child, perhaps you may have gone to the ocean for a vacation. I recall wading out until the waves began crashing on my knees. As long as I could stand firm, the waves were of no concern to me. However, as I moved farther and farther into the ocean, I had less control over my ability to stand.

Sometimes the current was so strong it moved me down the beach, and I even lost my bearings at times. But I have never gone so far into the ocean that I was not able to control the situation.

Sometimes God takes us into such deep waters that we lose control of the situation, and we have no choice but to fully trust in His care for us. This is doing business in great waters. It is in these great waters that we see the works of God.

The Scriptures tell us that the disciples testified of what they saw and heard. It was the power behind the gospel, not the words themselves, which changed the world. The power wasn't seen until circumstances got to the point that there were no alternatives but God.

Sometimes God has to take us into the deep water in order to give us the privilege to see His works. Sometimes God takes us into the deep waters of life for an extended time. Joseph was taken into deep waters of adversity for 17 years. Rejection by his brothers, enslavement to Pharaoh, and imprisonment were the deep waters for Joseph. During those deep waters, he experienced dreams, a special anointing of his gifts to administrate, and great wisdom beyond his years.

The deep water was preparation for a task that was so great he never could have imagined it. He was to see God's works more clearly than anyone in his generation. God had too much at stake for a 30-year-old to mess it up. So, God took Joseph through the deep waters of preparation to ensure that he would survive what he was about to face. Pride normally engulfs such young servants who have such access to power at such a young age.

If God chooses to take us into deep waters, it is for a reason. The greater the calling, the deeper the water. Trust in His knowledge that your deep waters are preparation to see the works of God in your life.

God is choosing to take me into deep waters. But I know that He will not let me sink. He who is able to walk on water will hold my hand and walk me through the waters as He reveals to me the work He wants to do in my life.