Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Fear Of The Unknown

The fear of the unknown is always worse than the unknown itself. Maybe that’s why scripture tells us that “Not even the birds worry about tomorrow”. We woke up very early after not having slept well last night. I asked God to calm my butterflies and be with us through the day to give us the strength to face whatever it would bring. My appointment was at 7:00am. For some reason I thought it would be one big room with chairs all lined up filled with sick looking people receiving the “dreaded chemo”. But there were many small rooms and each room held 4 chairs with a TV and an extra chair for one person to sit with you. I knew Carl was on edge because he didn’t wan’t to watch “Good Morning America” :) . I brought a blanket but they had warm blankets there. YEAH! The RN named Lucy was very kind, calm and soft spoken always with a smile on her face. She explained what she was doing before she did it. I was most impressed by the sterile environment she worked in. With the NICU being a very high risk to infection area we are always aware of sterile fields and aseptic technique and foaming our hands before and after everything we do. It is very frustrating to be a patient in a regular hospital floor and the caregivers not washing or foaming their hands first. This oncology unit is more like ours. YEAH!
I was leary about putting a needle into the port because it is still tender from being put in. Lucy had some freezing spray and put it on my hand to try it. It felt good but when she put it on the skin over the port it burned like crazy. Oh well, lesson learned. At least it wasn’t 7 sticks looking for a vein. She drew the lab work and sent it off. We waited for it to come back before the chemo was sent for.
I was given a prescription for an anti nausea drug last week to take on day 1,2 and 3 of the chemo. Lucy asked me if I brought it with me to take when the chemo was running. I didn’t know that was how it worked. Uh- Oh. She said just take it as soon as you get home and it should be OK. Wrong.
When the labs came back she said it was OK to start the chemo but my hemoglobin was 9 and if it got less than 8 they would have to transfuse but for today it was acceptable.
The first drug was decadron, a steroid, followed by the first chemo drug called adriamycin for 30 minutes and then cytoxan for 60 minutes. Other than a headache I would have never known that there were poisons running through my veins.
We left there and I felt great except for a nagging headache. We decided to stop by a wig store to start getting educated. The lady was really nice and started telling us about all the types of hair, human hair, synthetic, monofilament. Another world we knew nothing about. She brought out one for me to try on but it was dark brown hair and didn’t look anything like mine. The bangs were so long I couldn’t see. I sat there with tears in my eyes as she said what pretty hair it was. Soon she came out with one that was closer to my color and style and it was better. We left with the info and I went home to take the anti-nausea medicine that I didn’t really think I needed because I felt so good.
We met Eric and Katie for lunch. Cooper looks like he will be here anytime and Katie looks like she’s “over it.” We had a nice visit though. That is always a treat. Hope I can get to Eric’s game tonight. They are such fun. When we got home, Carla ( our daughter in New Orleans) , the most beautiful necklace that says "Do not be afraid of tomorrow for God is already there". She had a card in there with my very favorite scripture Lamentations 3:23. When I called her and asked her how she knew that was my favorite scripture she said "I didn't but God did." :)
On the way home I started getting nauseous and a worsening headache. By the time I got home I took another anti-nausea medication and went right to bed. I slept off and on for 6 hours as the nausea would allow. Finally, it got so bad I got up and called the on-call doctor and asked if there was anything else I could do. He called in another prescription and Carl is up filling it now. It’s 10:30 at night and he’s exhausted but he’s waiting anyway. I know I don’t deserve him. He’s awesome! I sure hope it this drug works.
Well ,tomorrow is a new morning. My favorite scripture is Lamentations 3:23 that says “he gives me new mericies fresh every morning”. I pray for new mercies and a new stomach tomorrow :).