Yesterday, we had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. I had been apprehensive for several weeks about this visit. Although I love my doctor, I never like going for that appointment because I always end up coming out feeling discouraged and out of "control". (Uh-Oh. There's that word again)
At this appointment, I was to discuss whether or not I wanted to be scanned to see how chemotherapy worked for me. I have written in my blog before, that my doctor was not in favor of having scans because there was no other chemotherapy to offer than what I had already been given. He advised to wait for any symptoms that would indicate that it had spread and scan at that time. The medical person in me had a hard time with that. I am so used to using all the tests available in medical situations and knowing exactly where the condition stands at any given time. But, my doctor, respecting my position, said that he would do whatever I felt comfortable with. He would offer his recommendations, but would leave the decision up to me. Hence, the constant prayer before I went in. I had asked the Lord to give me discernment and peace about the appointment and specifically about the scans .
As I was in prayer Sunday evening, God reminded me of the words I had shared in my testimony that morning. I spoke of how God had taught me in the desert to give my "control" to Him. And when I finally did that, I experienced an incredible freedom! As I prayed about the doctor's appointment, that word "control" just kept coming to mind.
Tuesday morning, I told Carl, I had come to a decision and truly did have a peace about it. I had decided that God had chosen Dr. Baidas specifically for me. In fact, he had chosen each and every medical person on this journey. He had placed me at the excellent MD Anderson cancer center. His hand had been in control of my care from the very beginning. I would continue to trust Him now, to know when I would need to have those scans.
At the appointment, Dr. Baidas did a thorough exam and found nothing that immediately concerned him. He said he would see me in three months and that I should not hesitate to call him if I noticed anything out of the ordinary before that. I did not ask for any scans.
As we walked outside and I looked up at the beautiful blue sky, I once again experienced that incredible freedom that comes from having given the "control" to Him. It was as though God was saying, "I was just waiting for you to come to me." As Carl took my hand, I felt like I could float away. No scans, no tests, no labs, a much needed break for both of us!
Later that evening, I picked up our granddaughter Jayda from cheer practice. We went home and ate dinner and waited for Carl to finish teaching. After he finished, the three of us went to Eric's softball game. About half way through the game, little Jayda was standing up against the fence, and Carl, who was sitting in the bleachers, said, "Jayda, I have been with you for a long time tonight and I haven't even gotten my hug yet." Little Jayda looked up at him and quickly replied, "Well, I was just waiting for you to come to me." And with that, Carl jumped down, lifted her into his arms and she smothered him with love.
How like our Lord, was this sweet little child. He never pushes. He never rushes. He just quietly and patiently waits for us to come to Him. And when we do He lifts us into His arms and cover us with His love!