Two weeks ago, I saw a genetic counselor about the risk of passing this breast cancer on to my children and grandchildren. There is a test out called the BRCA test and it looks for a mutation in the BRCA gene that could be passed on to future generations. If the test is positive for the mutation, there is a significantly higher risk of the cancer being hereditary. I had the test done and proceeded to wait and pray.
The outcome of this test weighed more heavily on my heart than any other test or biopsy result, since this journey began. For I waited with a mother's heart. For a mother, it is one thing to fight a disease yourself and quite another to know you have passed it on to your children or grandchildren. I couldn't bear the fact that I might have been responsible for that.
So I prayed and I prayed. But, this prayer was different. And ashamedly, I knew it.
Throughout this journey, I have truly been open for His will to be done in my life, whatever that meant. When I pray, I ask God for my wishes, but end my prayer with the words that Jesus spoke, "Thy Will Be Done." But I just could not bring myself, this time, to say those words. I asked only for negative results. I felt selfish, but this mother's heart just couldn't ask for anything but good for my children.
But God knows a mother's heart. He knows every heart.
And I prayed. And I asked everyone I knew to pray. And they all prayed.
Last night, I had a hard time getting to sleep, thinking about this morning's appointment. I got up and wrote a scripture on a little piece of paper that was sent to me yesterday by a friend. "I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and fortress where I will not be shaken." (Psalm 62:5-6). I read that scripture over and over again until I fell asleep.
This morning, as Carl and I walked into the office to receive the results, I prayed once more, and whispered a prayer of thanks for all who were praying with me.
And God answered that prayer!! The tests were all negative!! No mutations! This will not be passed on to my children and grandchildren by any bad genes. Thank You, Thank you Lord!!
I don't pretend to know why God answers prayer in the way He does. For His ways are Higher than my ways and His thoughts are Higher than my thoughts. I don't know why He honored my prayer, for I am deserving of nothing. But I do know that I will kneel humbly before Him , giving Him thanks and praise for answering the prayer of a mother's heart.