"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.” (Hosea 2:14)
"Because of your great compassion, you did not abandon them in the desert." (Nehemiah 9:19)
"Till the spirit is poured upon us from on high and the desert becomes a fertile field." (Isaiah 32:15)
Last Thursday night and then again on Sunday, I was given the chance to share my testimony to what God has done in my life since starting on this journey. I have tried to do that on the blog all along, but there are many who don't have access to a computer and hadn't heard my story.
But, I didn't know where to start. How could I express in 20 minutes the incredible work God has done since last December? So many examples of His hand in my life, His grace and His strength in the desert. How could I find the words? And the Holy Spirit softly whispered, "I will give you the words." What a tremendous blessing for me to stand and share aloud God's great faithfulness.
In preparation for sharing, I spent much time "looking back". Reliving the time spent in the desert over the last year. I went back and read many of the blog posts along the way. I thought about the first ultrasound findings and how terrified I was. About the very powerful devotion God gave to me entitled "The Purpose of the Desert" that outlined what He would be doing in my life for the next year and beyond.
I looked back at all the people that God had placed in my path both through the blog and in everyday circumstances. The fears, the tears, the "what if's", the ups and downs all along the way. The many people who have touched my life and lifted me up in prayer.
But most of all, looking back, I saw how God has totally changed my life through this desert. I saw my relationship with Him when I entered the desert (which I thought was pretty good) and the depth of my relationship with Him now. How He taught me, through it all, to be dependent on Him for everything in my life.
Last December, if God had told me what my desert would be and given me a choice in the matter, I know I would have said “No Way”. You have the wrong person here. I can’t do that!"
There is a story about a man who died and spent a day in heaven. The next day the angel came and said “there was a mistake and you shouldn’t have died yet.” If you would like, you can go back to earth and live out the rest of your days. But the man had experienced being in the presence of the Holy God and he knew that he could never be happy going back.
And today, looking back, I can only say, "Thank You Lord for not giving me a choice!!"