Sunday, August 23, 2009

Who Am I?

Carl and I enjoyed a really nice weekend. This is the last weekend before school starts and Carl will be back to full time teaching on Monday. Since we didn't get to do too much this summer between chemo, blood clots and radiation, I really wanted to try and spend a day or so, together, doing something nice. So I surprised him with an overnight stay in Daytona.

I got up early Saturday morning, and as I was getting ready, the last of my 3 eyelashes came out. Okay, I've been done with chemo for 3 weeks! But, after all the hair loss over the last 8 months I sure wasn't going to let that bother me. Then, to add insult to injury, I was putting on some shorts to wear to Daytona and noticed new hair growing on my legs! What's up with that? Ask any woman if they'd rather have eyelashes or hair on their legs. It's a no-brainer. You don't have to shave your eyelashes! I just laughed and told Carl, some things just "don't make no sense".

We had a beautiful room that had a nice view of the airport runway. That might not sound too great to some, but Carl loves watching planes go in and out and I was hoping he would get a chance to see some. After settling into the room, we decided to go for a walk on Daytona Beach. As soon as we got within site of the ocean, I was totally overwhelmed with the magnitude of what I saw. I have been to the beach before, but have never had the experience that I did this time. I was in awe of the magnificence of God's handiwork and overwhelmed with my own insignificance. I spoke the only words I knew to ask of God at that moment, "Lord, I am so small against your greatness. Who Am I that you would notice me?"

I turned in full circle and saw brilliant blue sky as far as my eyes could see. And I felt so small. The warm wind, smelling of sea salt, blowing ever so gently against my face, yet strong enough to carry the para sail effortlessly along the water. I looked out in the distance at the vast calm blue water, and watched as that very same water came crashing in waves against the shore. "Who am I, mighty God?"

Walking along the shore I watched the tiny sea gulls digging in the sand for sand crabs. Further down the beach, a young boy was busy burying his little sister's body in the sand, leaving only her head exposed. Two young lovers had chiseled their names with hearts in the sand. "Lord, you know the exact number of grains of sand on this shore, Who Am I that you would be mindful of me?"

I watched the many, many people playing in the surf and sitting on the shore. Each one with their own story, their own joys and trials, their own past, their own future. And God knows every detail of every life, past and future, down to the exact number of hairs on their head. "Indeed, the very hairs on their head are all numbered." (Luke 12:7). "Yet, who am I Lord, among the billions of people in this world, that you would care about me?"

Then I hear Him whisper "You are mine. You belong to me. I have chosen you. I delight in you."

And I wonder. How is it that I have not experienced the works of His majesty the many other times I have come to the beach? Does it take a diagnosis of cancer? Does it take a desert in our lives? Or does it simply take a closer walk with Him?

There is a beautiful song and video below that expresses so much better the words I have tried to share. I pray, as you listen, that it will be as meaningful to you as it is to me. And if you have ever asked yourself the question "Who Am I?". If you have ever felt small and insignificant. I pray that you would step a bit closer to Him and hear Him whisper "You belong to me. You are mine. I have chosen you. I delight in you. Not for who you are, nor for anything you've done, but for who I am and what I've done."