Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Carl and I are sitting here at MD Anderson and I am trying so hard not to break down. I don't exactly know why. Today marks the half way point for chemo and I should be happy. But when I walked in the room, I just had this overwhelming down feeling. I don't like it here anymore and really don't want to be here. I don't want to be sick or tired or have bone pain, anymore. But in the back of my mind I think that as long as I am receiving chemo, there is less chance of the cancer coming back somewhere.

The nurse didn't look up or speak to us when we came in. I asked what chair we should take and she said "just pick any one". When she came over, I so hoped for a smile or a "How are you today?" but she only asked me my date of birth and if I wanted the spray for my port. And for some reason the tears started to flow. I just couldn't stop them.

She accessed the port, OUCH! and left. Carl said to me "your disappointment is kind of obvious." So I went into the restroom to pray and ask God to lift my spirits and help me pull myself together.

A few minutes after I came out of the restroom, my friend Ann's secretary walked into the room and she was holding a small bag. She said, "Ann couldn't get away because she was busy with a very sick baby, but she asked me to bring this over to you. Inside the bag was a bowl of chicken noodle soup, some chocolate chip cookies and a card. The outside of the card said, "A Hug from God's heart." Inside the card, Ann had written this scripture. "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice."

Oh how thankful I am that God answered my prayer so quickly this morning! He not only provided nourishment for my body but the much needed nourishment for my soul today. Of all the scriptures that Ann could have chosen, this is the one that God knew I need to hear today!!
He is so good to me!

So now I am in a better frame of mind. We are waiting on the lab work to come back to see if I am moving away from an Olive Oil and closer to a Popeye. They should be better because last night we finally made liver and onions. It did smell up the house and Carl looked a bit green. But for me, it wasn't too bad because I have lost all my taste buds. So I just told myself I was eating chocolate cake! Yum.

So I sit here and wait for the labs and receive the chemo. But I will wait without tears for I know my God waits with me. He knows my feelings and He cares and I will Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!