Monday, July 27, 2009

His Ways and My Ways

"God's ways are so much higher than my ways"

Monday, my oncologist came in and my arm was still pretty swollen. I asked him why it didn't seem to be improving even on the blood thinners. He said once the port was removed it ought to progress faster because the port was causing irritation and some blockage of flow. Then he told me I wasn't to be doing any lifting at all with my left arm for at least 6 weeks.

My worry level immediately jumped up on the scale again. I had been sitting here since Friday trying to figure out how I could get out of the hospital in time to put in my 32 hours of work this week. I am scheduled to start radiation next week and had been worrying about trying to work full time and still have the energy to go everyday for radiation. How is the clot going to work in all this? The whole thing has been a stressor for me. I kept praying about it and had asked friends to also be praying. The hardest part about all that worrying is, that I knew God didn't want me to stress about it. He wants me to put my trust in Him. I would say to people " Well God will work it out". But then I would take the problem back, try to figure a way to work it all out on my own and start to worry about it again.

But God did work it out. Though I didn't understand at the time, He was working through the blood clot ordeal. Since the blood clot is a new condition and not related to the cancer, I am able to go back on short term disability. So while, the clot is healing and I am doing radiation I won't have to worry about trying to work full time also. Stress is gone. My way to deal with the problem was to worry. His way was to solve it.

I will miss taking care of my babies. I was so happy to be back. But hopefully it will be for only a few weeks. And God must know that I will need those weeks to heal. Perhaps as I heal from the blood clot and radiation, I can read more scripture, spend more time with Him and learn to worry less, and trust Him more. He still has much work to do in me.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher that your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)