Friday, September 11, 2009

It's Just Not As Big As I Thought

Have you ever had the opportunity to go back and visit the house where you lived as a small child? Was it just as you remembered it? Probably not. Often, when we remember a house from our childhood, it was a LARGE house, in our minds. We remember the neighborhood seeming like a town. The windows and doors on the house seemed enormous. The bedrooms were huge. The yard was the size of a football field. The rooftop seemed to reach to the sky.

And then, as adults, when we go back to visit, we are amazed at how much smaller the house actually is, compared to what we remembered.

When I walked into the treatment room today, I looked at the radiation machine. I vividly remembered how large and intimidating that machine seemed when I first started the treatments. But today, it just didn't seem as big. Why was that? And as usual, when the cross overhead came into view, my mind went to work. Or should I say the Holy Spirit went to work?

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, it seemed "enormous". At the time filled my world. My thoughts, my emotions, my discussions, my energy, my time. It was "BIG" and it was intimidating. 10 months of treatment seemed like an eternity. The thought of 8 months chemo seemed impossible. The desert seemed too large to cross.

But, I was a child then. God has walked with me through these last many months and held my hand, while I grew. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." (1 Corinthians 13:11) And now, cancer doesn't seem as large as it once did.

I still have much growing to do in many areas of my life. There are times when I worry and play the "what if" game. In fact there are times when I revert back to being a baby and feed on milk instead of solid food. But it seems as though God already knew I would have a tendency to do that. "In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!" (Hebrews 5:12) But God has brought me a long way in how I view this disease in my life. And when I look back and remember how I felt when I first was diagnosed, one thought comes to mind. "It's just not as big as I thought!"

Is there something in your life right now that seems larger than you can handle? A desert that seems too large to cross? Does it consume your thoughts, your discussions, your energy, your emotions, your time? Do you feel as a small child, powerless against it? Then give God your hand. Let Him walk you through it. One day at a time. Let Him supply your "milk" until you are able to tolerate "solid food". For as long as it takes. And one day, you will look back on it, and "It just won't seem as big as you thought."