Thursday, April 2, 2009

Confessions of a Control Freak

It is a new day!! I can't change a thing about yesterday. I can't control what will happen tomorrow. But I can control how I react to today.
I confess to being a control freak. A weakness in my life that God has had to "teach me about" for many years. (I think He would say I am a slow learner). I like my house in order. I can control that. I like to do my job 110%. I can control that. I like to be involved in doing things for people that make a difference. I can control that.

I have spent the last several days trying to figure out how I could control this desert of cancer. In doing so I have literally exhausted myself. What can I do to increase my chances of beating this disease? What can I do to have the energy I used to have? What can I do when I see someone out jogging (which I used to do) but now have such sore bones it is a struggle to walk fast. What can I do to prevent losing my fingernails and not be able to work? What can I do to fight discouragement? What can I do to find my positive attitude that seems to be lost somewhere? How can I take control ?

Well, I woke up this morning with the answer. It was the first thought I had as I opened my eyes. It's the same answer that God has given me everytime I try to take control from Him. (I told you I was a slow learner) .
There is only one thing I can do. I can make a conscious decision to give it all to God and let Him BE IN CONTROL. All of it. Not the parts I want Him to have. Okay Lord. Thank you for the thousandth time for your patience with me. Thank you for gently and patiently teaching me over and over and over again.

And this morning, I have the smile back. There is a joy in my heart. My spirit is light because I don't have to try and control everything that happens today. I don't have to figure out how to control tomorrow. I can use my energy to be thankful for the many things that He has done for me. The only thing I have to do is make a conscious decision to praise Him when doubts creep in.
He will do the rest!

Lamentations 3:23 - He gives NEW mercies fresh every morning!