Tuesday, March 3, 2009

When We Don't Have The Words

Today the road along the journey has been rough. I went to the Dr. yesterday after running a fever for the weekend. She took a chest x-ray and drew lab work and said I had pneumonia. Not a big deal. But then she said she saw a spot on the x-ray that was questionable and wanted me to have a CT scan. For anyone facing a triple negative breast cancer a "spot" on the lung is a big deal. CT scan was scheduled for Wednesday.
Today I went to the Dr. with Carl for his appointment. It took all the energy I had to go with him. We came back home and I went to sleep. Soon our family from New Orleans came by for a visit and lunch. After lunch I started becoming nauseous and ever since the N&V has been unrelentless. (I thought this was just supposed to be for the few days after chemo?)
As I sit here in bed waiting for the next spell, my spirits are down. I think how unfair this is for Carl not to have the energetic, happy person he married. Though I know that God does not want me to worry about the CT scan thoughts creep in anyway. If I had the energy, I would call some of my praying friends and ask for prayer. But sometimes there are times when God is all you have and you find that He is all you need. Though I don't even know what words to pray at this moment, He does. I don't have to speak a word for He knows my heart and he'll take the burden for me. Thank You, Lord.