Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Lighter Load

Last night Carl made some shrimp and rice casserole and we took it over to our dear friend, Deloris' house. We had the best time eating and visiting. After dinner, as we were chatting, she asked me how I was doing with the treatments. I told her I was doing well, all things considered, and the words she said next were music to my ears. She said "You know, as good as you look and have done through all of this, I can't help but believe that you have beat this."

They were such uplifting and encouraging words that I felt like I was a balloon, just released into the air. To "beat this" haven't been words I have had in my vocabulary throughout this time. Perhaps losing my mother to this disease, perhaps being a medical person, perhaps the daunting statistics, but "beating it" just wasn't something I had entertained. It certainly wasn't because I didn't think God was fully capable of a complete and permanent healing, but I also know that "His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts". I had gotten into the mindset, that after treatment, I would wait and see what God had planned for the next leg of the journey. Trusting all the while that He would continue to uphold me along the way.

But as I replayed Deloris' words over and over in my head last night, I thought. "Why not assume that I have "beaten it." 3 surgeries, 8 months of chemo and 33 radiations will soon be behind me. Why not get on with my life and believe I have "beat this"?

When I was first diagnosed, I realized I could let this disease make me miserable, or I could let God have it, and believe His promise "that all things work together for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28) I chose to let God have it and keep a positive attitude as I walked the journey.

So why not after treatment? I can spend three years waiting for the cancer to come back, or I can live my life believing I have "beaten it." God alone knows how the journey ends. I know that He will never leave me and that He will walk with me, whether I choose to be miserable or choose to be positive. He always gives me the choice.

But waiting for the "other shoe to drop" is a heavy load to carry. Choosing to believe I have "beaten it" is a much lighter load. And, I believe I'll choose the lighter load.

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ( Matthew 11:30 )