Well, I ended up having to miss bible study, children's choir and adult choir yesterday(the things in my week I most look forward to) because the nausea would never go away. So I went to sleep crying and woke up with a headache. Lesson learned: Go to sleep praying instead of crying and you won't wake up with a headache :)
This morning I had to go into the hospital to renew my NRP certification. It was cold and I was afraid that this cough would turn into pneumonia. I hope at some point every thing I do doesn't revolve around the repercussions of this cancer.
But it was good to go in. Especially to see the babies. Oh. how I miss them! Got to visit with my friends and the doctors. It was uplifting.
Ann gave me ritz crackers (my food of choice now) and 2 books to read during chemo and Lenny said that in the Navy whenever the guys got nauseous they sniffed an alcohol swab and it helped. So I picked up a bunch of alcohol swabs.
I'm sure this won't be the last time I say this. But, I am sooo blessed to have sooo many friends. Another of God's gifts!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Obedience With A Cost
Lamentations 3:23! New Mercies Fresh this Morning.
I usually post at the end of the day but felt like I need to share how the new morning has started. Woke up still felling nauseous but a little less. Thank You Carl and Zofran :)
I opened my TGIF devotional on my E-Mail and felt like God was saying "Good Morning, Roxanne. Here are my words to you today. Ponder them and keep them in your heart."
Here is what it said:
Obedience With a Cost
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, February 04 2009
Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and You have not rescued Your people at all. - Exodus 5:23
Have you ever felt like you have been obedient to the Lord for something He called you to do and all you get are more roadblocks? This is the way Moses felt. When Moses went to tell Pharaoh to release the people because God said so, Pharaoh simply got angry and made the people make bricks without straw. Moses caught the blame for this from the people. Moses was just learning what obedience really means in God's Kingdom. You see Moses had not even begun to release plagues upon Egypt. He hadn't even gotten started yet in his calling, and he was complaining about his circumstances. There were many more encounters with Pharaoh to come, and many more plagues with no deliverances in sight. Why would God tell Moses that He is going to deliver them and not do it?
It was all in timing. God never said when He was going to deliver. He just said He would. In the next chapter, we find Moses arguing with God about not being capable of the job God had called him to:
But Moses said to the Lord, "If the Israelites will not listen to me, why would Pharaoh listen to me, since I speak with faltering lips?" Now the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron about the Israelites and Pharaoh king of Egypt, and He commanded them to bring the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 6:12-13).
Do you get the feeling God was losing His patience?
God had a good reason for His delays. He said, "And the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I stretch out My hand against Egypt and bring the Israelites out of it" (Ex. 7:5). God not only wanted the people of Israel but also the Egyptians to know Him. It would be the greatest show of God's power on earth.
God often causes delays in our lives that we cannot understand. Sometimes it seems our obedience is not getting rewarded. Jesus said He learned obedience through the things He suffered (see Heb. 5:8). Imagine that - Jesus having to learn obedience. What does that say for you and me? Sometimes God's delays are simply because He wants more glory in the situation, more recognition, more Christ-likeness in you and me through greater patience and obedience. Faint not, for the promise may yet come.
Thank You, Lord for your unending faithfulness to me!
I usually post at the end of the day but felt like I need to share how the new morning has started. Woke up still felling nauseous but a little less. Thank You Carl and Zofran :)
I opened my TGIF devotional on my E-Mail and felt like God was saying "Good Morning, Roxanne. Here are my words to you today. Ponder them and keep them in your heart."
Here is what it said:
Obedience With a Cost
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, February 04 2009
Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and You have not rescued Your people at all. - Exodus 5:23
Have you ever felt like you have been obedient to the Lord for something He called you to do and all you get are more roadblocks? This is the way Moses felt. When Moses went to tell Pharaoh to release the people because God said so, Pharaoh simply got angry and made the people make bricks without straw. Moses caught the blame for this from the people. Moses was just learning what obedience really means in God's Kingdom. You see Moses had not even begun to release plagues upon Egypt. He hadn't even gotten started yet in his calling, and he was complaining about his circumstances. There were many more encounters with Pharaoh to come, and many more plagues with no deliverances in sight. Why would God tell Moses that He is going to deliver them and not do it?
It was all in timing. God never said when He was going to deliver. He just said He would. In the next chapter, we find Moses arguing with God about not being capable of the job God had called him to:
But Moses said to the Lord, "If the Israelites will not listen to me, why would Pharaoh listen to me, since I speak with faltering lips?" Now the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron about the Israelites and Pharaoh king of Egypt, and He commanded them to bring the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 6:12-13).
Do you get the feeling God was losing His patience?
God had a good reason for His delays. He said, "And the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I stretch out My hand against Egypt and bring the Israelites out of it" (Ex. 7:5). God not only wanted the people of Israel but also the Egyptians to know Him. It would be the greatest show of God's power on earth.
God often causes delays in our lives that we cannot understand. Sometimes it seems our obedience is not getting rewarded. Jesus said He learned obedience through the things He suffered (see Heb. 5:8). Imagine that - Jesus having to learn obedience. What does that say for you and me? Sometimes God's delays are simply because He wants more glory in the situation, more recognition, more Christ-likeness in you and me through greater patience and obedience. Faint not, for the promise may yet come.
Thank You, Lord for your unending faithfulness to me!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Fear Of The Unknown
The fear of the unknown is always worse than the unknown itself. Maybe that’s why scripture tells us that “Not even the birds worry about tomorrow”. We woke up very early after not having slept well last night. I asked God to calm my butterflies and be with us through the day to give us the strength to face whatever it would bring. My appointment was at 7:00am. For some reason I thought it would be one big room with chairs all lined up filled with sick looking people receiving the “dreaded chemo”. But there were many small rooms and each room held 4 chairs with a TV and an extra chair for one person to sit with you. I knew Carl was on edge because he didn’t wan’t to watch “Good Morning America” :) . I brought a blanket but they had warm blankets there. YEAH! The RN named Lucy was very kind, calm and soft spoken always with a smile on her face. She explained what she was doing before she did it. I was most impressed by the sterile environment she worked in. With the NICU being a very high risk to infection area we are always aware of sterile fields and aseptic technique and foaming our hands before and after everything we do. It is very frustrating to be a patient in a regular hospital floor and the caregivers not washing or foaming their hands first. This oncology unit is more like ours. YEAH!
I was leary about putting a needle into the port because it is still tender from being put in. Lucy had some freezing spray and put it on my hand to try it. It felt good but when she put it on the skin over the port it burned like crazy. Oh well, lesson learned. At least it wasn’t 7 sticks looking for a vein. She drew the lab work and sent it off. We waited for it to come back before the chemo was sent for.
I was given a prescription for an anti nausea drug last week to take on day 1,2 and 3 of the chemo. Lucy asked me if I brought it with me to take when the chemo was running. I didn’t know that was how it worked. Uh- Oh. She said just take it as soon as you get home and it should be OK. Wrong.
When the labs came back she said it was OK to start the chemo but my hemoglobin was 9 and if it got less than 8 they would have to transfuse but for today it was acceptable.
The first drug was decadron, a steroid, followed by the first chemo drug called adriamycin for 30 minutes and then cytoxan for 60 minutes. Other than a headache I would have never known that there were poisons running through my veins.
We left there and I felt great except for a nagging headache. We decided to stop by a wig store to start getting educated. The lady was really nice and started telling us about all the types of hair, human hair, synthetic, monofilament. Another world we knew nothing about. She brought out one for me to try on but it was dark brown hair and didn’t look anything like mine. The bangs were so long I couldn’t see. I sat there with tears in my eyes as she said what pretty hair it was. Soon she came out with one that was closer to my color and style and it was better. We left with the info and I went home to take the anti-nausea medicine that I didn’t really think I needed because I felt so good.
We met Eric and Katie for lunch. Cooper looks like he will be here anytime and Katie looks like she’s “over it.” We had a nice visit though. That is always a treat. Hope I can get to Eric’s game tonight. They are such fun. When we got home, Carla ( our daughter in New Orleans) , the most beautiful necklace that says "Do not be afraid of tomorrow for God is already there". She had a card in there with my very favorite scripture Lamentations 3:23. When I called her and asked her how she knew that was my favorite scripture she said "I didn't but God did." :)
On the way home I started getting nauseous and a worsening headache. By the time I got home I took another anti-nausea medication and went right to bed. I slept off and on for 6 hours as the nausea would allow. Finally, it got so bad I got up and called the on-call doctor and asked if there was anything else I could do. He called in another prescription and Carl is up filling it now. It’s 10:30 at night and he’s exhausted but he’s waiting anyway. I know I don’t deserve him. He’s awesome! I sure hope it this drug works.
Well ,tomorrow is a new morning. My favorite scripture is Lamentations 3:23 that says “he gives me new mericies fresh every morning”. I pray for new mercies and a new stomach tomorrow :).
I was leary about putting a needle into the port because it is still tender from being put in. Lucy had some freezing spray and put it on my hand to try it. It felt good but when she put it on the skin over the port it burned like crazy. Oh well, lesson learned. At least it wasn’t 7 sticks looking for a vein. She drew the lab work and sent it off. We waited for it to come back before the chemo was sent for.
I was given a prescription for an anti nausea drug last week to take on day 1,2 and 3 of the chemo. Lucy asked me if I brought it with me to take when the chemo was running. I didn’t know that was how it worked. Uh- Oh. She said just take it as soon as you get home and it should be OK. Wrong.
When the labs came back she said it was OK to start the chemo but my hemoglobin was 9 and if it got less than 8 they would have to transfuse but for today it was acceptable.
The first drug was decadron, a steroid, followed by the first chemo drug called adriamycin for 30 minutes and then cytoxan for 60 minutes. Other than a headache I would have never known that there were poisons running through my veins.
We left there and I felt great except for a nagging headache. We decided to stop by a wig store to start getting educated. The lady was really nice and started telling us about all the types of hair, human hair, synthetic, monofilament. Another world we knew nothing about. She brought out one for me to try on but it was dark brown hair and didn’t look anything like mine. The bangs were so long I couldn’t see. I sat there with tears in my eyes as she said what pretty hair it was. Soon she came out with one that was closer to my color and style and it was better. We left with the info and I went home to take the anti-nausea medicine that I didn’t really think I needed because I felt so good.
We met Eric and Katie for lunch. Cooper looks like he will be here anytime and Katie looks like she’s “over it.” We had a nice visit though. That is always a treat. Hope I can get to Eric’s game tonight. They are such fun. When we got home, Carla ( our daughter in New Orleans) , the most beautiful necklace that says "Do not be afraid of tomorrow for God is already there". She had a card in there with my very favorite scripture Lamentations 3:23. When I called her and asked her how she knew that was my favorite scripture she said "I didn't but God did." :)
On the way home I started getting nauseous and a worsening headache. By the time I got home I took another anti-nausea medication and went right to bed. I slept off and on for 6 hours as the nausea would allow. Finally, it got so bad I got up and called the on-call doctor and asked if there was anything else I could do. He called in another prescription and Carl is up filling it now. It’s 10:30 at night and he’s exhausted but he’s waiting anyway. I know I don’t deserve him. He’s awesome! I sure hope it this drug works.
Well ,tomorrow is a new morning. My favorite scripture is Lamentations 3:23 that says “he gives me new mericies fresh every morning”. I pray for new mercies and a new stomach tomorrow :).
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