The warm sun, the cloudless blue skies and the gentle breeze gave me a little glimpse of heaven today. After many days of Florida cold (60's :) I was glad for the warm change.
Baby Cooper is home from the hospital but still very jaundiced. He stays under a phototherapy light and only comes out for feedings. I went over to see him today and got to sit outside and hold him for an hour while he soaked up the rays of the sun, a natural type of phototherapy. For me it was another glimpse of heaven. I sat and visited with Eric and Katie as I held Cooper and silently thanked God for what they mean to me.
As I drove home I played my ipod on the car radio and had a real worship service through the music. Anyone driving next to me must have thought I was "high" as I sang and lifted my hand towards heaven. I guess I was "high" for there is no other feeling like that.
Funny sometimes how just the little things can enter in to "rain on your parade". I stopped by another wig shop to get an idea. The girl was nice but I think a place like that needs to go way beyond "nice" and try to be sensitive. I know I'm not the only chemo patient who walks into a wig shop with fear, sadness and trepidation. When I asked about the wigs she said. "I have them but I have a 7 year old leukemia patient with a bigger head than you and I would definitely have to have it custom made. " I asked how long it would take and she said "your hair will probably start coming out in a week so I need to get started right away." My bubble, that was so full an hour ago, just burst. I left and drove home but wasn't singing this time.
But again, God puts someone in your path to bring you up. My good friend Nadine called and I went outside and sat in the swing, soaking up more of the beautiful sun, and talked to her. By the time I finished I felt much better. I'm thankful for her friendship
When Carl finished teaching we went to dinner with Laurie, Pat and Deloris and then went to choir. Though I battled waves of nausea throuh choir, it was good to sing. I paid special attention to the words as we sang to bring my focus off of me and back to HIM and went home once again with a song in my heart.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sowing In Tears
It is early as I write this morning. The house is quiet. The sun has yet to rise for this new day. I had a disturbing dream last night that I had gone to a C-section delivery. The mom was asleep and I did all I was to do for the baby but I forgot to footprint and band him. I wandered aimlessly around the hospital trying to figure out which of the many moms this baby could possibly belong to. Could this dream have come about from the turmoil of yesterday? I sat in my chair and thought about the hurt and tears of my day yesterday. I quietly asked God to remind me of His new mercies this morning.
Then I checked my e-mail. This is the first thing that popped onto the screen!
Sowing In Tears
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Monday, February 09 2009
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." - Psalm 126:5
Psalm 126 describes an interesting process that goes against our natural tendencies when we are taken into a difficult period in our lives. Whenever we are hurled into a crisis that brings tears, our tendency is to retreat or recoil in fear and hurt. However, there is a better way that God tells us to handle such times of travail.
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. "He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him" (Ps. 126:5-6). God is telling us that if we will do what is unnatural for us in these circumstances, He will make sure that what we sow in tears will return in joy. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned when faced with difficult circumstances. Rather than sit back and allow self-pity and discouragement to consume us, we should plant seed during this time. Reach out to a person who needs a friend. Invest in the life of another. See where you can be a blessing to someone. Give of yourself.
The psalmist acknowledges that we are doing this while we are in our pain. However, during this time we are to sow seed. That seed will return to us in another form. Here is what will happen when we do this. "He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." We will receive joy and fruit from the seed that we plant during this time. Sheaves represent the fruit of a harvest. We will actually get a harvest from this seed.
"You must not let the circumstances destroy you! Too many in the Kingdom are counting on you to come through this because of the calling on your life!" Those were the words spoken to me by a friend one time when personal circumstance was threatening to destroy me emotionally. This person saw what God was doing and the fruit that God wanted to bring from these circumstances. Sometimes we need others around us to push us through the difficult times. If you find yourself in a difficult place today, see where you can sow some seed. Soon you will be reaping songs of joy.
On this new morning I cry tears of joy, for my God knows and understands my hurts. And He will always be faithful to speak to me if I will just turn my eyes towards Him.
Great is Thy Faithfulness!!
Then I checked my e-mail. This is the first thing that popped onto the screen!
Sowing In Tears
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Monday, February 09 2009
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." - Psalm 126:5
Psalm 126 describes an interesting process that goes against our natural tendencies when we are taken into a difficult period in our lives. Whenever we are hurled into a crisis that brings tears, our tendency is to retreat or recoil in fear and hurt. However, there is a better way that God tells us to handle such times of travail.
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. "He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him" (Ps. 126:5-6). God is telling us that if we will do what is unnatural for us in these circumstances, He will make sure that what we sow in tears will return in joy. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned when faced with difficult circumstances. Rather than sit back and allow self-pity and discouragement to consume us, we should plant seed during this time. Reach out to a person who needs a friend. Invest in the life of another. See where you can be a blessing to someone. Give of yourself.
The psalmist acknowledges that we are doing this while we are in our pain. However, during this time we are to sow seed. That seed will return to us in another form. Here is what will happen when we do this. "He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." We will receive joy and fruit from the seed that we plant during this time. Sheaves represent the fruit of a harvest. We will actually get a harvest from this seed.
"You must not let the circumstances destroy you! Too many in the Kingdom are counting on you to come through this because of the calling on your life!" Those were the words spoken to me by a friend one time when personal circumstance was threatening to destroy me emotionally. This person saw what God was doing and the fruit that God wanted to bring from these circumstances. Sometimes we need others around us to push us through the difficult times. If you find yourself in a difficult place today, see where you can sow some seed. Soon you will be reaping songs of joy.
On this new morning I cry tears of joy, for my God knows and understands my hurts. And He will always be faithful to speak to me if I will just turn my eyes towards Him.
Great is Thy Faithfulness!!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
In His Word I Put My Hope
This day has been one of the hardest days so far on the journey. Holly and the boys came in last night for a visit. Both of them are sick with colds and runny noses. I know that I am not supposed to be around sick people but how can I not hug my grandchildren? How will these babies know why Granny isn't picking them up?
We woke Sunday morning to the chaos and busiyness of little ones in the house. Normally not a problem. But because they were sick I wasn't able to help Holly. We went to church and out to lunch for Greg's birthday. I was too tired to help Holly with the boys at the restaurant. Eric and Katie needed to be at the hospital with baby Cooper who is still under the photo therapy lights. Eric had asked if we might keep Dylan and Jayda for awhile this afternoon to give Noni a little break but I was exhausted and knew Jayda was still not feeling well. Carl said he would take them out to his friends resort and play with them since it was such a pretty day and I could go home and rest.
I DON"T WANT TO REST! I DON"T WANT TO BE SICK! I want to be around my grandchildren sick or well, hold them, hug them, wipe their noses and take them to the park. I have never had anything dictate my life like this before and I had a meltdown. I cried to Carl. I was upset with God for seemingly taking things that are so important to me. The pslams came to my mind and I began to read: "Out of the depths I cry to you , O Lord. Oh Lord, hear my voice. Let you ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. (Ps 130:1-2). The grandchildren went home.
I rested and I prayed. I was again led to the Pslams. I continued to read where I had left off before I went to God in prayer. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. (Ps 130:5)
And so for now, I will wait for the Lord and in His word I will put my hope. Trusting that He knows the desires of my heart and in His great faithfulness will provide all that I need.
We woke Sunday morning to the chaos and busiyness of little ones in the house. Normally not a problem. But because they were sick I wasn't able to help Holly. We went to church and out to lunch for Greg's birthday. I was too tired to help Holly with the boys at the restaurant. Eric and Katie needed to be at the hospital with baby Cooper who is still under the photo therapy lights. Eric had asked if we might keep Dylan and Jayda for awhile this afternoon to give Noni a little break but I was exhausted and knew Jayda was still not feeling well. Carl said he would take them out to his friends resort and play with them since it was such a pretty day and I could go home and rest.
I DON"T WANT TO REST! I DON"T WANT TO BE SICK! I want to be around my grandchildren sick or well, hold them, hug them, wipe their noses and take them to the park. I have never had anything dictate my life like this before and I had a meltdown. I cried to Carl. I was upset with God for seemingly taking things that are so important to me. The pslams came to my mind and I began to read: "Out of the depths I cry to you , O Lord. Oh Lord, hear my voice. Let you ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. (Ps 130:1-2). The grandchildren went home.
I rested and I prayed. I was again led to the Pslams. I continued to read where I had left off before I went to God in prayer. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. (Ps 130:5)
And so for now, I will wait for the Lord and in His word I will put my hope. Trusting that He knows the desires of my heart and in His great faithfulness will provide all that I need.
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