Today the road along the journey has been rough. I went to the Dr. yesterday after running a fever for the weekend. She took a chest x-ray and drew lab work and said I had pneumonia. Not a big deal. But then she said she saw a spot on the x-ray that was questionable and wanted me to have a CT scan. For anyone facing a triple negative breast cancer a "spot" on the lung is a big deal. CT scan was scheduled for Wednesday.
Today I went to the Dr. with Carl for his appointment. It took all the energy I had to go with him. We came back home and I went to sleep. Soon our family from New Orleans came by for a visit and lunch. After lunch I started becoming nauseous and ever since the N&V has been unrelentless. (I thought this was just supposed to be for the few days after chemo?)
As I sit here in bed waiting for the next spell, my spirits are down. I think how unfair this is for Carl not to have the energetic, happy person he married. Though I know that God does not want me to worry about the CT scan thoughts creep in anyway. If I had the energy, I would call some of my praying friends and ask for prayer. But sometimes there are times when God is all you have and you find that He is all you need. Though I don't even know what words to pray at this moment, He does. I don't have to speak a word for He knows my heart and he'll take the burden for me. Thank You, Lord.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Through The Eyes Of A Child
Today we woke to cold weather. Well, cold for us Floridians. After a day near 80 degrees yesterday, it was quite a change. But it was Sunday, and no amount of cold outside replaces the warmth of a Sunday morning in worship. I went to church feeling a bit "dragged out." Some days fatigue seems to be quite an obstacle. Fighting off laryngitis and not able to sing, I asked our good friend Jim to lead worship and he willingly stepped in and took over.
When it came time for the children's message I sat down with the children thinking for a second that my bones felt like that of our 102 year old Aunt Margaret.
But then something magical happened! As I began to talk with the children one of the little girls, about 4 years old looked into my eyes, and I saw a light, a spark, a child like joy that said "here I am" ready to listen. Her expression moved my very soul. I was immediately reminded of Jesus telling us that we should become "like a child". He also said that "a little child shall lead them". He knew that the trust, innocence and simplicity of a child would be a good example for all of our lives.
Later in the service, as I was helping to serve communion, a young kindergartner in our church family named Joanna, knelt, head bowed, hands folded, innocently at the altar waiting for her turn for communion. Again, I was moved by the power of this small child.
All throughout the day, I found myself looking at children, watching their actions, their smiles, their innocence and I was thankful that God reminded me in such a powerful way , that the eyes of a child can be a light for our soul if we take a moment to notice.
When it came time for the children's message I sat down with the children thinking for a second that my bones felt like that of our 102 year old Aunt Margaret.
But then something magical happened! As I began to talk with the children one of the little girls, about 4 years old looked into my eyes, and I saw a light, a spark, a child like joy that said "here I am" ready to listen. Her expression moved my very soul. I was immediately reminded of Jesus telling us that we should become "like a child". He also said that "a little child shall lead them". He knew that the trust, innocence and simplicity of a child would be a good example for all of our lives.
Later in the service, as I was helping to serve communion, a young kindergartner in our church family named Joanna, knelt, head bowed, hands folded, innocently at the altar waiting for her turn for communion. Again, I was moved by the power of this small child.
All throughout the day, I found myself looking at children, watching their actions, their smiles, their innocence and I was thankful that God reminded me in such a powerful way , that the eyes of a child can be a light for our soul if we take a moment to notice.
Friday, February 27, 2009
What 15 minutes Can Do
As I write this moment, I am sitting outside in the swing in awe of the beauty of the day. The sky is a beautiful blue and crystal clear. The azaleas are in full bloom in velvet pinks and reds. The sun is bright and golden, shining on the aromatic orange trees in bloom. Bandit is in his glory sleeping in the grass. The birds are singing a sweet song. A butterfly just settled on the tree leaf. I sit and wonder why I have always been too busy in the past to really sit for a moment and take in the beauty around me. God gives us such a beautiful world but all too often we are too busy to enjoy it, if only for a moment.
As I sit here I am filled with an incredible thankfulness.
I am thankful for my family. For Carl and his unending love. For my children, my grandchildren and the joy they bring to my life. For my sisters. Family is something we so often take for granted.
I am thankful for the many, many good friends God has put in my life. I am incredibly lucky to work in a place where we are not only co-workers but we are friends. We care about each other. We share a common bond. There is not a day goes by that I don't get a card or computer message that lifts my spirits from my friends at work and lets me know I am cared about and missed.
I am thankful for my church family and what their love and support means for both Carl and I. We draw on and rely on the prayers and friendship of our church family. Some say they don't need to go to church to find God. For us we not only find Him, but also His people who love us and pray for us.
I am also thankful that God has put just the right medical professionals in my life. When facing an unfamiliar big illness, no one wants to rely on picking a doctor out of the phone book. God has hand picked the medical team ahead of time for me. Carl and I were commenting on the highly respected reputations and knowledge of all the people involved in my care. But equally important, they are all "caring". Each and every one of my physicians genuinely cares. In this day of hurry in and hurry out it is comforting to know that they do care for you as a person. Earlier today one of my doctors called and said she received the biopsy results and was sorry for what I would have to go through but she wanted me to know that she would be praying for me and lifting me up in her prayer group at her church. After I hung up I thanked God aloud for her, and for His Hand in orchestrating the whole "team".
You know, it's amazing, what taking 15 minutes of our time, to sit out and enjoy God's beautiful world and reflect on the good things in our lives, can do for our mind our body and our spirit.
As I sit here I am filled with an incredible thankfulness.
I am thankful for my family. For Carl and his unending love. For my children, my grandchildren and the joy they bring to my life. For my sisters. Family is something we so often take for granted.
I am thankful for the many, many good friends God has put in my life. I am incredibly lucky to work in a place where we are not only co-workers but we are friends. We care about each other. We share a common bond. There is not a day goes by that I don't get a card or computer message that lifts my spirits from my friends at work and lets me know I am cared about and missed.
I am thankful for my church family and what their love and support means for both Carl and I. We draw on and rely on the prayers and friendship of our church family. Some say they don't need to go to church to find God. For us we not only find Him, but also His people who love us and pray for us.
I am also thankful that God has put just the right medical professionals in my life. When facing an unfamiliar big illness, no one wants to rely on picking a doctor out of the phone book. God has hand picked the medical team ahead of time for me. Carl and I were commenting on the highly respected reputations and knowledge of all the people involved in my care. But equally important, they are all "caring". Each and every one of my physicians genuinely cares. In this day of hurry in and hurry out it is comforting to know that they do care for you as a person. Earlier today one of my doctors called and said she received the biopsy results and was sorry for what I would have to go through but she wanted me to know that she would be praying for me and lifting me up in her prayer group at her church. After I hung up I thanked God aloud for her, and for His Hand in orchestrating the whole "team".
You know, it's amazing, what taking 15 minutes of our time, to sit out and enjoy God's beautiful world and reflect on the good things in our lives, can do for our mind our body and our spirit.
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