God is Good All the Time

Today was the second chemo treatment and though not as anxious as the first time, I was hoping it would be better since I came armed with the "magic pill" to make the nausea better. Because the chemo makes your skin very sensitive they advise not to wear a scarf on your head rather than a scratchy wig. So I donned the scarf on my skinny head and put on a hat. While walking from the parking garage to MD Anderson the wind blew my hat off and left me with only my skinny head. While I was chasing the hat, I was sure all eyes were on me. But of course they weren't. (Isn't that something we are supposed to grow out of by about age 16? :)
We saw Dr. Baidas, the oncologist, first and he answered some questions that I was concerned about. He is such an intelligent man. English is not his first language but many of the things he says reflect a deep understanding of our language. I asked him if the chemotherapy drugs crossed the blood brain barrier and if not what was to stop these "floating cells" from going to the brain. He said though the chemo doesn'nt cross the barrier the cancer cells don't usually "seek sanctuary" in the brain first. Carl and I both commented later at the "seek sanctuary" comment. Many of us who have spoken English all of our lives aren't that descriptive. Dr. Baidas is very soft-spoken man and answers our questions kindly but very honestly. I like that.
Then we went upstairs to start the chemo. They draw labs and we wait for all the results to come back before they start the treatment. I asked when I should take the "magic pill" and she said wait until the labs get back because we don't want to waste it if the labs are bad. This time Carl had a good book to read and was able to take actually relax enough to read it. Guess, we're settling in :)
They came in and said we were good to go. I took the "magic pill" and prayed it would make a difference and the drugs started. About 10:30 my dear friend Ann came over from Winnie Palmer. She spent an hour visiting with Carl and I and it was such a blessing for both of us. It never ceases to amaze me how she can find an hour out of her very busy day and make it seem as though she has nothing else in the world to do. Thank you Ann.
Treatment was finished and I went home to rest. Eric had his play-off game at 6:45 pm and I wanted more than anything to go to it but I also knew how it was at 6:45 after the last treatment.
But 6:00pm came and I was just slightly nauseous. Armed with my Ritz crackers (thank you Jim, Petra and Alyssa) I started off for the game. As I was driving through Winter Garden I was praying aloud in my van. I thanked God that I was feeling good enough to go tonight, I thanked him for blessing me with wonderful doctors and medical facility he had picked for me. I thanked him for the blessings of friends who had called throughout the day to see how we were doing. As I was talking to God, a voice came into my head very clearly. But it wasn't God's voice it was Eric's and he said "if you don't slow down God is going to bless you with a speeding ticket." I looked down and noticed that I was going 52 mph in a 35. I laughed out loud. Guess the next time I pray aloud I'll look at the speedometer a bit more often :)
The game was so exciting and Dylan and Jayda were there so I was double blessed. As it turned out they were scheduled to play a second game at 8:45 but I really felt the nausea coming on stronger so I took Dylan and Jayda home and got to see baby Cooper awake with his eyes open. I think that grandchildren could take the place of any anti-nausea medicine if you could be with them constantly. But they had to go to sleep and I had to get home.
I headed home and prayed along the way (looking at the speedometer regularly). It's funny how 3 months ago I took so for granted being able to go to Eric's games. Tonight I thanked God for allowing me to feel well enough to go to this one.
God is Good all the time and all the time God is Good.

On My Heart

I need to share what is on my heart today. Since writing about my low time on Saturday, I have received several e-mail from friends and family saying how sad it made them and how sorry they were that I was having to go through this. When I started writing this blog I thought that I would only share the positive things happening on this journey. But that is not what God wanted me to share. I believe the purpose of my journey is to show people a living, loving, caring God who is personal and real and walks with us no matter where our journey leads.
We all walk through deserts and valleys. Loss of a spouse, loss of a child, broken relationships, troubles with children, illness, financial problems and on and on. Not one of us escapes life without having to walk through a desert. Sometimes we have people to help us walk the desert and sometimes we have to to face the valleys alone. We cry out to God in our despair. We beg God to take away our suffering. We are filled with grief in our desert.
I am reminded of Jesus when he went to the Garden of Gethsemane. He was preparing to die a terrible death through absolutely no fault of his own. As He walked to the Garden,Jesus began to be filled with anguish and deep distress. He said "My soul is crushed with grief too the point of death." He walked a little farther and fell face down on the ground praying "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me." But the cup of suffering was not taken away. Why? Because God had a much bigger plan in mind. A plan that would change the lives of people for eternity.
You see God doesn't want us to suffer any more than He wanted His son to suffer but He has a bigger plan in place for each of our lives. He doesn't ask us not to cry out, not to beg for the mountain to be moved, not to be angry or confused or even doubt. HE UNDERSTANDS! He's been there! There is no problem that we can face that He won't be there with us if we allow Him.

So it is that I share not only the mountains on this journey but the deep dark valleys as well. I am, by nature, a "positive" person. But I am also human. On this journey I will share the mountaintop experiences and the valleys. But no matter where I am on the journey, my God, who understands, walks with me holding my hand.

Upon The Mountain

Yesterday I walked through the valley. I cried out to God but could not hear His voice. But I knew He was there. I have always known He was there.
Today I heard His voice spoken as loudly as the crashing waves upon the ocean and as gentle as the morning breeze against the flowers. I commented to my dear friend Lori before church about the burdens from the day before. We shared the same feelings, but both agreed that church today was the best place for us to be.
The worship service was a blessing. A wonderful testimony to God's power was shared by our friend Jim.
When Pastor Steve started to speak for the sermon I immediately felt that God was going to speak to me. As I have done in the past in my blogs, I have printed the quoted words of someone else in blue. So the words that I share with you today in blue are from Pastor Steve's mouth but from God's heart.
The message talked of the transfiguration of Jesus upon the mountain from Mark 9:2-9.
Jesus' transfiguration was truly a mountaintop experience for Peter. Jesus' clothes become a dazzling white and Peter sees Moses and Elijah back from the dead. They were in their full glory.
But then it was all over. Jesus told His disciples to go back down the mountain. Is that all? Over so fast? Probably what Peter was thinking. Isn't that the way for us? Our mountain top experiences seem to be over as quick as they came.

However, Jesus knows that we can't stay on the mountain. Jesus said we must go down the mountain and continue ministry in the brokenness of the world. Jesus wanted His disciples to have a faith that was not just a mountain faith but a faith that could endure the mountains in there lives. The same is true for us today. Sometimes the greatest faith is not the mountain moving kind of faith at all. SOMETIMES THE GREATEST TEST OF OUR FAITH COMES WHEN WE SPEAK TO THE MOUNTAIN AND THE MOUNTAIN DOES NOT MOVE. Then if we listen carefully we will hear God say "I'm not going to move that mountain but I will give you the strength to climb it."
Life isn't about living on the mountain. Sometimes we must spend time in the valley.

God has given me a mountain to climb. Though in my humanness I ask for the mountain to be moved, I know He has a greater purpose. He has a purpose for the mountaintop experiences and a purpose for the valleys. He who is able to do ALL things will give me the strength to climb the mountain and walk in the valley. It is my prayer that I can share in ministry to a broken world through the mountains and valleys upon this journey.