FAITH

Today has been one of those days when God has revealed Himself to me very clearly and I want to share it with you. Forgive me if it seems like rambling. I pray that He will take my words and turn them into His words so you may understand what He wants me to say.

I think that anytime we are faced with a mountain in our lives we tend to question our faith. That is not necessarily a bad thing. God knows our hearts. He knows our human tendencies. And He understands.

Being a medical person, I understand clearly the aggressiveness of this type of cancer. The stage that it was diagnosed at and the 80% chance of it spreading to other organs weigh heavily on my mind at times. I watched my mother die from this disease even as I prayed for her healing. And I confess that I sometimes doubt that I will be able to beat it. Our bible study today talked about Thomas and how he doubted that it was really Jesus who had come back from the grave and appeared to the disciples. Thomas was sometimes called "The Twin". We spoke about Thomas having many twins. I am one of Thomas' twins. I too struggle with doubt.

I don't doubt that God can, if it is His will, place me in the 20% who beat this disease. But God also taught me a valuable lesson on healing with the loss of my mother. His healing is not always a physical healing so that we might live to the ripe old age of 102 (or whatever age we think we should live to). God's ultimate healing is accomplished when we are free from the troubles, sickness and pain of this world and meet Him face to face to spend eternity with Him.

So I ask myself "What does this say about my faith?"

During bible study, one of the gentlemen mentioned a scripture and it was as if God turned a 150 watt light bulb on right in front of my eyes. It was Hebrews 11:1. "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."

Yes, I hope that I will be healed from this disease, but more importantly I hope that I can glorify Him in this life and then spend eternity with Him. And because of my faith I can say with confident assurance that what I hope for is going to happen. Because His word never fails.

Sometimes, I feel like a small child who doesn't understand his world. But then I run into my Father's loving arms and He surrounds me and says "You don't have to understand. It's okay to doubt. It's okay to question. I love you and I have it all under control and all you have to do is stay close to me." And once again "It is Well With My Soul."

ALLELUIA! HE HAS RISEN INDEED!

Christ the Lord is Risen Today. Alleluia!! What a joyous day!

We serve a risen Savior and He is Alive! His presence is all around us. The early morning sun as it rises brightly above the trees. The birds singing sweetly in the early morning air. The innocent smiles on the faces of the babies in worship. The sound of laughter as we fellowship one with another during the pancake breakfast. The squeals of excitement from the children as they hunt for Easter eggs on the front lawn. The sweet fragrance of lilies as they adorn the sanctuary. The faces of little children filled with excitement as they decorate the cross with fresh flowers. The testimonies of praise offered by God's people. The voices lifted up to heaven as the hymns were sung. The hugs and sloppy kisses from my precious grandchildren.

Some people say "Too bad every day can't be Easter." But God says everyday CAN be Easter! Our risen Savior is the same Savior yesterday as He is today and as He will be tomorrow and forever more. That is His promise to us.

I know that we will all face days of uncertainty. Days of illness, despair, discouragement. Not all our days will be spent on the mountain. But we have a hope. I would like to share the words of one of my favorite hymns. I pray that it will lift you and encourage you just as it has me.

Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, He holds the future
And I can face uncertain days because He lives.

ALLELUIA! HE HAS RISEN INDEED!

Not My Will

I think this last round of A/C did me in. I told Carl I thought maybe they gave me extra for good measure since it was the last round. Whatever the reason, I am so happy there will be no more of that cocktail. The nausea has been non-stop and the fatigue has progressed to total exhaustion. After sleeping almost 12 hours last night I got up, took a shower and went back to bed. Carl went to work at the church and I slept. Carl came home and started teaching and I slept. Finally at 5:00 in the afternoon I got ready to go to church for our Maundy Thursday service.

As soon as the service started, I began to feel better. Perhaps because I took my mind off of myself and put it on Christ. The altar was beautifully decorated with the glow of 12 candles that represented each of the disciples. The evening sun shone through the stained glass window and illuminated the faces of those in worship. The organ sang a sweet melodious song of praise. The sound of the congregation lifting their voices in praise filled the air.

During the service there was a video clip of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. For some reason, the sound wouldn't work so we just watched the video. But, the look of anguish on Jesus' face in the Garden spoke volumes to my heart. The picture needed no sound at all. I could hear His voice crying out "Father if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me , yet not my will but yours be done ". In the silence I heard Him say, "I did this for you, Roxanne, because I love you!!" Tears of gratefulness filled my eyes. How can I possibly say "thank you" What can I possibly do to give back?

I can give Him my heart. I can surrender my life. I can give Him my will. I can pray as He prayed, "Father not my will but thine."

Jesus was afraid, disappointed, confused and exhausted that night in the Garden. He has experienced exactly what we experience in our lives. He understands. He's not someone who sits up in the sky on a throne. He is a living, personal friend who loves us and wants to care for us. And because of that I can have a light of joy that can never be extinguished!!