All That We Need

Seven down and five to go!

I honestly don't know how anyone could travel this journey without God. Before the chemo today, I had my appointment with my oncologist. He is an incredibly intelligent man and in fact is the head of the education of all the residents and fellows at MD Anderson. He is also a bit on the conservative side in his approach to treatment. My anemia was actually worse than last week. (So much for the liver and onions). I told him I had to go back to work full time in a couple of weeks and asked if he had a magic pill for the fatigue and shortness of breath. He said the iron takes awhile to show some effect and he didn't want to transfuse blood or give iron infusions just yet. So we will see how it goes when it comes time to go back to work. Infection fighting cells are still down, but I have been very blessed in not getting sick. Thank you, Lord!

I asked him about follow up CT scans when we were finished with treatment. He then spent quite a long time telling us about this type of cancer. He said that many people spend their time after treatment going from one CT scan to another worrying over the results. It dominates their life and often causes emotional problems. When in fact with TNBC, if it comes back somewhere else it is not curable. The survival rate is no different if the cancer is found earlier or later. So basically, when treatment is finished, I wait. If I experience any unusual symptoms, such as a headache that doesn't want to go away or a cough that lasts for an unusual amount of time or unusual bone pain, then they would do a CT or bone scan to see if it's back. That was very difficult to hear. I think I knew that in the back recesses of my mind, but hearing it from him, spelled out so clearly, was really hard. Neither Carl nor I spoke as we headed up to the 5th floor for chemo as I am sure both of our minds were reeling from the doctor's conversation.

But God, never lets us journey through a desert without providing us exactly what we need along the way!

When we got to the 5th floor, GiGi and Elaine both greeted us with warm smiles as they always do and handed me a note. It was from my friend Ann, who had walked over to see me, but had an emergency back at the hospital and had to leave. Written on the note were the words to a hymn. The words were perfect. Of all the hymns in the hymn book, God led her to that one because He knew I needed to hear just those words. It was His way of saying, "You will not walk this journey alone. I will provide all that you need."

We walked into the chemo infusion room and my very favorite nurse Myra (Maggie as she likes to be called) was to be my nurse for the day. Carl and I were both happy. And God said "I will provide you exactly what you need for this journey."

Carl sat right there with me as he does week after week. The conversation from earlier was hard for him also. He watches all that goes on. He listens to all that the nurse has to say. He looks at all the labs. He helps with whatever I need. His presence says a thousand words without uttering a sound. And God said, "I will provide all that you need for the journey."

Ann, came back over for a few minutes, in spite of the many things she had to do, just to offer a hug and her prayers and encouragement. And God said ."I will meet all of your needs on this journey."

When we got home our pastor and good friend, Steve, called to check on us and see how our day went. To offer a listening ear and to lift us up in prayer. And God said "I will give you all that you need for the journey."

Sometimes, when the mountains before us seem extremely high, it is difficult to keep moving in faith, for the human spirit is weak. Sometimes we let our feelings take over instead of trusting in His promises. But I know that God walks the journey with us. He will provide all of our needs along the way for Isaiah 58:11 says, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

"Thank you Lord, for walking with us. When the mountain seems too high, the path seems unclear, when it is dark, when we stumble, when we are afraid, you are there. You provide all that we need. We never have to journey alone. Help us to put our hope in you. Amen"

Recital Weekend Part 2

What a wonderful weekend of piano recitals! I had just enough energy to get through. Thank you for the prayers. They did help.

Carl has been a piano teacher for almost 50 years. I couldn't even begin to count the number of children he has taught in those 50 years. Yet he teaches each student as if they were his only one. To him, they are each special, needing nurturing and encouragement as he teaches them to love music. As I watched Carl with his students during the recitals, I saw example after example of God's love for us, His children.

Carl is an awesome teacher because he has a passion for teaching and a love for his students. He sees the best in them. Not what they are now, but what he knows they can be.

It take a tremendous amount of courage for those children to walk up the steps to the piano in front of an audience and play music from memory. It is a big difference from playing in the comfort of their living room with no one paying attention. Many were nervous, some were afraid, but almost all of them would look over at Carl as they played, resting in the comfort that he was there and believed in them.

Carl doesn't demand perfection from his students. He desires only that they try and do their best. If they made a mistake this weekend, they just picked up and played on. One student, played a piece less than what Carl knew she was capable of. She is the type of student who sets high standards for herself. Carl quietly walked over to her and whispered something. When he was finished, he told the audience that he had heard her play this song at her lesson. He knew what she was capable of and that she was going to play her piece once more. And play she did! Beautifully! Carl believes in second chances and third chances for his students. Whatever it takes for them to succeed.

One by one, as each student went up to play, I watched Carl quietly cheering them on in his seat. As if he could will them into playing well. And when every one of them finished, they immediately looked over to Carl for a smile, a thumbs up or to hear the words "good job." Then, they would smile knowing they had pleased their teacher.

This weekend, I witnessed God's love in action. The lessons that these children learn from Carl will stay with them for a lifetime. His love for them brings out the best that they can be.

And so it is with God's love for us. He teaches us because He loves us. He sees not what we are now, but what we can become with His help. When we are afraid, we need only to keep our eyes on him and know that He is there, wanting only the best for us. He doesn't demand perfection, for His grace covers our mistakes. He is a God of second chances and third chances.

And one day we will look into His face and hear the words we have longed to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Recital Weekend Part 1

This is the weekend of Carl's Piano Recitals. It is the most special time of the year for a piano teacher. It is the culmination of a year of hard work, both by Carl and all of his students. There is much to be done to prepare for this special event. Cakes and balloons to be picked up, rooms to be set up, programs to print... Carl's day started out at 7:15 this morning with rehearsals all day, followed by the recitals on Sat. afternoon, Sat. night and Sunday afternoon. While he is rehearsing, I have always gotten everything ready. I love doing that for him, because it is such a help to him and I love being a vital part of his special day.

But, this year I am running on about 1/8 of a tank. It is Sat. morning and I am just getting started and wondering where my energy will come from.

I say all of this to ask for your help. I believe in the power of prayer and I would like to ask for prayers from you for this weekend. Prayers for Carl, that his students do well, prayers for calm hearts for nervous children and prayers for energy for a proud wife. If you are a praying person, could you whisper a little prayer? And even if you are not, could you whisper one anyway because God always listens.

Have a Blessed Weekend!!