"Are you a person who is more concerned with outcome than how you achieve the outcome?"
Those were the first words I read from my morning devotional. And boy did they hit me between the eyes! Have you ever had someone ask you a question and you felt like they could see right through you when you answered? Or listened to a sermon and was sure you heard the pastor say your name aloud as he preached? Well, that's how this morning's question made me feel. Like God was speaking them directly to me.
I knew that I had to see my oncologist today. Aside from what he would say about going back to work now, I always wonder if he is going to tell me something I don't want to hear. I shared on yesterday's blog, my struggle with worry over this appointment and how I finally gave up and gave it all to the Lord.
You see, I was only looking at how I would have the energy and strength to go back to work. The outcome.
But, what God was looking at, was how I achieved that outcome. And this morning, I went in, trusting that God would handle it all, because I had given it to Him. That's how I achieved the outcome. By giving all my worries and cares to Him and letting Him take care of them.
As Carl and I waited in the waiting room, I felt a sense of peace that everything would work out okay. I experienced His peace again when Dr. B's nurse, Ellen, came in. She is one of the most calming, gentle people I have ever met. She gave me a hug and we talked for a bit and she said, "Remember, we nurses are the worst. Be kind to yourself." As she left, I again sensed God's peace, shown in my ever quiet, ever strong husband sitting in the chair next to me.
And even as Dr. B talked with us, God's peace could be felt through his care and concern as he patiently listened and answered every question. Never rushing. Always acting as if we were his only patients for the day.
What was the outcome, you might ask? He wants me to stay off of work and rest. Regain my strength, and try to get the swelling down in the arm by resting it. A follow-up doppler study ordered to see what is happening with the clot. He wants to wait a month before running any follow-up scans to try and provide some rest time in between.
Although I am very relieved and thankful for the outcome today, I am more thankful for how the outcome was achieved. For the lesson He taught me in the process. How to take the "easy way out." by giving it all to Him. And for the lessons He continues to teach me along this journey.
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." (1Peter 5:7)