Thursday, November 5, 2009


Carl has started walking on the treadmill everyday. It has been good for his sugar levels and I'm sure for his overall health. He walks anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on his schedule. Each day I see him walk, I think, "I'm going to walk today, too." I used to be an avid walker, walking 2-3 miles every morning before work. Now when I get on the treadmill, it's a chore to walk 15 minutes. I am "spent" when I finish and don't have the energy for the rest of the day.

Yesterday, was one of those mornings. I tried to walk and after about 10 minutes I was out of breath and too tired to continue. Feeling a bit frustrated with my slow "return to normal", I went in, got showered, checked for any new lumps or bumps (as is my daily routine anymore) and prepared to go to Wednesday morning bible study.

Driving to the church, I kept thinking about the days when I would go out and walk a couple of miles, work 12 hours and come home with energy to spare. The more I dwelt on those days, the more discouraged I became. So, I wasn't really in a great frame of mind for bible study, and actually thought about going back home and sitting out on the swing and having my own bible study. But I'm glad I didn't.

The scripture verse for the study came from Hebrews. Though it encompassed many verses, one in particular jumped off of the page at me . "Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." (Hebrews 10:23) Immediately I thought of my morning discouragement.

I pictured myself climbing a high rope, one of those that you climb at the fair, or on an obstacle course. If you make it to the top and can ring the bell, you win the prize. As I start the climb, I have a good strong grip and the first section of the rope seems easy. The higher I climb, the harder it is to hang on. My hands are getting tired. And soon, I take my eyes off of the prize at the top and look down and begin to waver. That's where I start to get into trouble. When I look back. I realize, that while I was busy looking back at "where I was", I had loosened my grip.

"God can be trusted to keep His promise." From the beginning of time, throughout every word of the bible, God has never broken a promise. I, on the other hand, have broken more promises in my life than I even care to think about. Why then, would I waver, take my eyes off of Him and put them on myself? God's promise is not about "what I used to do" or "where I have been", but where He wants me to be today. In right relationship with Him.

Isn't it like that for so many of the difficult ropes we must climb during our life? At first, we are strong. Our grip is tight. Our faith is solid and we believe God's promise that He will help us make the climb.We look up and keep our focus on Him.

But as the climb gets higher, our bodies get tired and our grip gets weaker. We, too often, take our eyes off of God. We start to wonder if His promise to get us through is really true. We look down at where we have been instead of looking up to where He promises to take us.

But God's faithfulness is great. When we slide back and loosen our grip, all we have to do is look up again. Not only, will He give us a new strength for the climb, But He will climb with us, hand over hand, until one day we reach the top and claim the prize of a faithful follower!


  1. Hold on to the promises of Christ!
    And, Roxanne, I'm betting (praying) you'll be stronger every day. Your body took some heavy hits but each day of recovery will make you stronger and stronger. Don't be discouraged. Bless you.

  2. Roxanne, my very first impression and thoughts were about how we become so "physical" minded when we go through these terrible cancer treatments. Energy levels, walking, running, pains here and there, infections, new lumps or no, etc., etc. In a lot of ways, I'm still there. My teeth rotted, my eyesight got worse, my esophogus was affected by the radiation, and on and on the list goes ---- each and every one a reminder of what was and a nightmare of what might still come.

    I had such a hard time hanging on to that verse in Isaiah that talks about flying with eagles, running and not being weary, walking and not faiting. One of my faithful blogging friends always reminds me to fly with the eagles ---- especially on the days I feel like I'm barely crawling!!!!!

    But I found that I was thinking way too much about the physical abilities (and limitations) and not about the "inner man".

    Since I began following your blog, I have seen you learn to use your wings and soar above all the fear and darkness below, I've watched you run to your Lord when things were scarey and not going right, and I've watch you walk daily in the truth you knew to be true. It is these things that matter most, or should I say --- matter at all --- not how far you walk on the treadmill.

    WhiteStone is right --- it takes a long time to recover from all of this. It's been 7 months since my last radiation, a loss of 35 pounds, etc., and I'm thinking I'm just starting to feel like "me" again. Hard to tell, as "me" seems so different from the one that began this whole journey. That's a good thing. To come out of our desert journey on the other side able to walk in sandels and willing to carry with us all that is needed to help someone else through --- so what if we have callouses and blisters on our hands from holding on so tight????? There is a poem by Amy Carmichael that is entitled, "Hath thou no scars?"
    — Hast thou no scar?
    No hidden scar on foot or side or hand?
    I hear thee sung as mighty in the land;
    I hear them hail thee Bright Ascending Star.
    Hast thou no scar?

    Hast thou no wound?
    Yet I was wounded by the archers, spent;
    Leaned Me against a tree to die, and rent
    By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned.
    Hast thou no wound?

    No wound; no scar?
    Yet as the Master shall the servant be.
    And pierced are the feet that follow Me.
    But thine are whole! Can he have followed far,
    Who hath no wound, no scar? —

    Climbing the ropes WILL make you stronger, but there will be wounds and scars!!!!!

    Love you, Roxanne!

  3. Yes, Cora is right. WhiteStone is right. God bless you all.


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