We had a great day yesterday. I went in for the first "real" radiation. They found one more spot on me that wasn't marked up so they marked it. I think we should invest in Sharpie marker stock. The radiation today wasn't too much different than the simulation, except for the noises of the machine when it was delivering the radiation. This time they covered my arms with warm towels, put my quilt over my legs and put a small cushion under my bony elbows so I was pretty comfortable. Still difficult to keep my left arm over my head for so long but can't do too much about that until the clot gets better.
Afterwards, we visited and prayed with a friend at the hospital who is having bypass surgery tomorrow.
The nicest thing about the day was the many birthday wishes I received. Phone calls from my children, hugs from friends at work, many facebook messages, a special visit from Ann, text messages, a call from wonderful friends who were on vacation in North Carolina and a special birthday dinner with friends.
Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly." (John 10:10). Sometimes I am brought to my knees when I think of the abundant life that God has given to me. Even as I walk through this desert called cancer, He gives me the abundant life that He has promised. His abundance overshadows any of the darkness. His abundance brings light and joy.
As I am writing this, I feel as though God is wanting someone to hear these words. I don't know who or what the circumstances are. But I just feel the need to pray.
Dear Lord, I don't know who might be reading these words right now. I only know that someone needs to hear your voice. Lord, we must go through so many trials and deserts in our life. Sometimes they seem like mountains we can't climb. They make our shoulders feel so heavy. They rob us of our joy. Sometimes it seems so dark we can't even see you.
But, Lord, since the beginning of time, You have loved us. You have never broken a promise to your children. You want to help us through the trials that we must face. You want to give us peace and hope and joy. You want for us to have an abundant life, even through the deserts.
Lord, I just ask, in this moment that anyone who reads these words and needs encouragement, that they would find it in You. Bring back their joy. Please, let them know without a doubt, that you love them and are more than able to provide all that they need to walk through their desert.
Thank you for your unending loving for each and every one of us Father, Amen
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
KNOWLEDGE
I went for my radiation simulation today. What a humbling experience. Being in the medical field, this was the first time I didn't have a clue what they were doing or talking about. I thought it was just a practice session for the "real deal" which starts tomorrow. I thought radiation was as simple as laying on the table and getting a quick x-ray. Boy was I wrong.
When I first arrived, they gave me a computerized card and you scan it when you come for your session to signal the techs in the back you have arrived. The young man who greeted me and showed me the routine was hilarious. His name was Jared and he was the perfect person for the job. From the very start, he had me laughing. Though I wasn't nervous about today, I can see that if someone was to be, he would quickly make them feel comfortable. He showed me the dressing room and said to change into a gown and he would be waiting right down the hall watching Sesame Street on the TV. There were about 50 gowns in the drawer and they were all XX-Large. And each one had 3 arm holes. I was wondering how many 450 pound people with 3 arms use that dressing room. But I just wrapped myself up in it a couple of times and went out to find Jared.
He led me to the room where the machine was and I could'nt believe the size of the thing. I've had MRI's, CT scans and x-rays but this machine was monstrous! The two radiation techs in the room were so kind. Since I was shaking from being cold, they spread my quilt around my legs to take the chill off before they started. The made more drawings on me. Then they went to work. For the next 30 minutes or so they called out numbers like 17.6 SSD and 60 degrees lattitude, 19.8 and 28.4. They would move the machine around and call out some more numbers. Then they went out and took pictures. Then came back and called out more numbers and made more adjustments in the machine. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I didn't have to because they did. The only uncomfortable part of the whole thing was holding my swollen left arm above my head for so long. But it was important not to move while they were getting the machines set up.
I had planned to listen to my iPod during the session and have some worship time. But the machines and table aren't really set up for headphones. So I just closed my eyes and started to pray. Soon, Big Bertha rotated around to where I could see the ceiling and etched in the ceiling was a cross!! Some would say it was there as a measuring point for the techs. I say it was there as a reminder to me of the awesome power of a mighty God. For it is He who gives the knowledge to those who build those machines, set up the machines, those who take all the measurements and those who adjust the dosage of radiation. All knowledge comes from Him.
"For the Lord gives wisdom and from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6) "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." (Psalms 139:6)
They marked off four different sections on me today. They will radiate each of the four sections for 5 minutes every day for a total of 20 minutes each day for 33 days.
And for that 20 minutes each day, I will give thanks and praise to our Great and Mighty God, for the wisdom and knowledge He has imparted to those He has entrusted my care.
Thank You, Father.
When I first arrived, they gave me a computerized card and you scan it when you come for your session to signal the techs in the back you have arrived. The young man who greeted me and showed me the routine was hilarious. His name was Jared and he was the perfect person for the job. From the very start, he had me laughing. Though I wasn't nervous about today, I can see that if someone was to be, he would quickly make them feel comfortable. He showed me the dressing room and said to change into a gown and he would be waiting right down the hall watching Sesame Street on the TV. There were about 50 gowns in the drawer and they were all XX-Large. And each one had 3 arm holes. I was wondering how many 450 pound people with 3 arms use that dressing room. But I just wrapped myself up in it a couple of times and went out to find Jared.
He led me to the room where the machine was and I could'nt believe the size of the thing. I've had MRI's, CT scans and x-rays but this machine was monstrous! The two radiation techs in the room were so kind. Since I was shaking from being cold, they spread my quilt around my legs to take the chill off before they started. The made more drawings on me. Then they went to work. For the next 30 minutes or so they called out numbers like 17.6 SSD and 60 degrees lattitude, 19.8 and 28.4. They would move the machine around and call out some more numbers. Then they went out and took pictures. Then came back and called out more numbers and made more adjustments in the machine. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I didn't have to because they did. The only uncomfortable part of the whole thing was holding my swollen left arm above my head for so long. But it was important not to move while they were getting the machines set up.
I had planned to listen to my iPod during the session and have some worship time. But the machines and table aren't really set up for headphones. So I just closed my eyes and started to pray. Soon, Big Bertha rotated around to where I could see the ceiling and etched in the ceiling was a cross!! Some would say it was there as a measuring point for the techs. I say it was there as a reminder to me of the awesome power of a mighty God. For it is He who gives the knowledge to those who build those machines, set up the machines, those who take all the measurements and those who adjust the dosage of radiation. All knowledge comes from Him.
"For the Lord gives wisdom and from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6) "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." (Psalms 139:6)
They marked off four different sections on me today. They will radiate each of the four sections for 5 minutes every day for a total of 20 minutes each day for 33 days.
And for that 20 minutes each day, I will give thanks and praise to our Great and Mighty God, for the wisdom and knowledge He has imparted to those He has entrusted my care.
Thank You, Father.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Martha and Mary
There were two sisters in the bible named Martha and Mary. They were at the home of their brother, Lazarus, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. They had invited Jesus to be a guest of honor at a banquet in their home. When Jesus arrived, Martha ran around like crazy getting the banquet ready. Getting the meal served. Making sure the food was hot. Making sure the place at the table was prepared for Jesus and all the other guests. When dinner was over, she was busy cleaning up and putting away the dishes. She was working for her Lord.
Mary, on the other hand, sat quietly at Jesus' feet and listened to His words.
Martha got upset. She said to Jesus, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself ? Tell her to help me!" And Jesus answered, "Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset over many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her."
I have always been a Martha, who wanted to be a Mary. I like to serve my Lord by doing. Working at church, making things for others, taking care of sick babies. Whatever I could find to do for the Lord satisfied me. I was always much too busy working for Him to just sit quietly at His feet.
Today, I am sitting at home. I am not able to work because of the clot in my arm. "What am I to do?" I asked the Lord. "I can't go to work, can't take care of my babies and I can't lift anything. How can I do for you?"
And He whispered gently, "Now, you can be a Mary. You can sit quietly at my feet and listen."
And finally, after many years, I am learning to be a Mary. I am not walking around the house trying to figure out what to do. For the doing will get done later. It is the being that is more important. Being close to Him in reverence and surrender. Sitting quietly at His feet, listening to His voice, offering my heart. For now, that is exactly what He wants me to do for Him.
Mary, on the other hand, sat quietly at Jesus' feet and listened to His words.
Martha got upset. She said to Jesus, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself ? Tell her to help me!" And Jesus answered, "Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset over many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her."
I have always been a Martha, who wanted to be a Mary. I like to serve my Lord by doing. Working at church, making things for others, taking care of sick babies. Whatever I could find to do for the Lord satisfied me. I was always much too busy working for Him to just sit quietly at His feet.
Today, I am sitting at home. I am not able to work because of the clot in my arm. "What am I to do?" I asked the Lord. "I can't go to work, can't take care of my babies and I can't lift anything. How can I do for you?"
And He whispered gently, "Now, you can be a Mary. You can sit quietly at my feet and listen."
And finally, after many years, I am learning to be a Mary. I am not walking around the house trying to figure out what to do. For the doing will get done later. It is the being that is more important. Being close to Him in reverence and surrender. Sitting quietly at His feet, listening to His voice, offering my heart. For now, that is exactly what He wants me to do for Him.
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