The Little Things and the Big Things

I picked up my lung CT scan results today. It was just a follow-up from the pneumonia I had. Nothing really to do with the cancer. In the grand scheme of things, this would be called a "little thing". The CT results were good. Some residual scarring but no nodules or masses suggestive of metastasis.

As I was walking out of the hospital, I whispered a prayer of thanks and began to think about the "little things" and the "big things" in our life.

I remember in the first grade, being taught about big things and little things. The teacher had a 2 sided weight scale. She would put a big item on one side of the scale and a small item on the other side. She would teach us that the "big thing" weighed more than the "little thing" and it would pull down that side of the scale. Then, we went out to the playground where she would have a big boy sit on one side of the see saw and a little girl (usually me) sit on the other side. As I was left hanging in the air, the teacher made her point. The "big things" weigh down the "little things".

Sometimes I get so focused on the "big things" in my life, the cancer, the treatments, the side effects, tests, etc, that I fail to see the "little things" that God has given me to enjoy.

The first ripe red tomato on our tomato plant. A phone call from Brent, a hug from Eric, talking to little Wyatt on the phone. The smell of baby Cooper on my shirt after he's gone. Friends to eat dinner with. Friends who bring you dinner when you are too sick to go out. Carl, changing the oil, fixing the faucet and all the other little repairs needed. A gentle rain to cool down a hot afternoon and moisten a dry, parched ground. The beautiful butterfly sitting atop the pink hibiscus flower. The sweet fragrance of jasmine as I sit and swing with my grandbabies on my lap. Just thinking of these "little things" makes me feel as though I'm suspended in air.

When I allow myself to think only of the "big thing" I feel weighted down.
But God tells us to give the "big things" to Him and He will take them. He wants us to take all of the "little things" He has given to us and enjoy them abundantly. He'll carry the heavy stuff.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:29-30)

And today, I am happy to be suspended in air on the see saw. Because I know God is on the other side holding down the "big things" while I sit high and enjoy the all "little things" He has given to me.

Grandma's Hands

It's been a quiet day. Forty eight hours after the steroids, my energizer bunny battery finally died. So I took a day of rest. Had some time to pray for several friends in need today. Read my bible and spoke on the phone with a new friend, Chelle, whom God had introduced me to through my blog.

And I also got an e-mail from an old friend who happens to work as a nurse in the very same area of MD Anderson that I go to for treatments! God is still placing people in my path to help me through! Appetite is a bit better and we enjoyed some homemade quiche made by Ann. She actually, brought it over last night but I wasn't able to eat yet. But Carl sure was! And I really hoped there'd be some left by the time I was able to eat. Wonderful quiche! Thank you, my friend. I got to see Eric and Dylan for a few minutes and that was a joy for me. All in all a very restful day. Perhaps I can stock up on the energy to have for going back to work full time next week.

A friend sent me this e-mail today and it really made me stop and think about our hands and what they do. So I wanted to share it with you.

GRANDMA'S HANDS

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat, the more I wondered if she was OK

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her, but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear strong voice .

"I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her. "Have you ever looked at your hands," she asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?" I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. "They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. "

"As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.
"They have been dirty, scraped and raw , swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. "

"Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse. They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and
shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face,
combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. "

"And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well, these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer. "These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life."

"But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of God"


As I read this story, I thought about so many of the things that I do with my hands. I can caress the faces of my new grandbabies. I can embrace a friend who is grieving. I can wipe away the tears on my granddaughter's face when she falls. I can put my hand in Carl's hand and feel safe and protected. I can lay my hand on the hand of a one pound baby and pray for her. All of these bring me joy. But there will be no greater joy, for me, than when my hands reach out to touch the face of God!

"The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert." (Deuteronomy 2:7 NIV)

It Will Burst Into Bloom!

Some days when you're walking in the desert you get a glimpse of the cactus in bloom! Today has been one of those days.

I have been wired on steroids since the treatment yesterday. Last week after chemo, they gave me some sleep medication to help combat the 48 hours of no sleep after the steroids. But it made me crazy. I was seeing things on the wall, talking crazy and when I looked at Carl his face looked like one of those faces at the fair when you look in the distorted mirrors. Not pretty. So I have been awake and wired since yesterday morning. The nausea is tolerable; just keeping the good old Ritz crackers close by.

I went to have my lung CT scan at the hospital this morning. It only took 2 sticks to get an IV in. YAY! They called in "Mean Jean" apparently known for her expertise in IV's. When she finished, I told her I would have to name her something else because she not only got the IV in after the 2nd stick but she was really nice. During the scan I put in my ipod and listened to the Michael W. Smith songs and had a wonderful worship experience with the Lord. A perfect way to endure any procedure or test.

After the CT scan I visited a friend who is a nurse manager there, ironically in their little oncology unit. I had worked with her on the Mother Baby unit 18 years ago at my hospital. We had a wonderful time catching up on each other's lives over the last 18 years.

After that visit, I went downstairs to see, Debbie, one of my friends who is a chaplain there, but used to be a chaplain in our NICU. When I walked into Debbie's office, there sat a lady I had known almost 30 years ago. She was Debbie's secretary. For the next 35 minutes the three of us sat and talked. It is such an exhilarating feeling to sit with other believers and share openly about what God is doing in our lives. We closed by holding hands and each praying for the others. As I walked out of the hospital, I felt as though I was walking on air and it wasn't from the steroids!

After leaving the hospital I had to stop by Wal-Mart. As I was standing at the counter looking at something, the lady behind the counter came up and asked if she could help me with anything. I said "no thank you, I was just looking." Then she said "You look very pretty." I stopped and looked up at her and said, "You know to a person on chemo, those are wonderful words to hear. Thank You." We got to talking and she told me she was having a biopsy tomorrow for a lump that they found. As we continued to talk, she shared that she had been in a terrible car accident 18 months ago and had nearly every bone in her body broken. She had been through 12 surgeries. But she said, "All of that has made me a more compassionate person. I spent 6 months in a wheelchair and now I have a real understanding of how difficult it is for a handicapped person." She told me that she considered herself blessed and truly a better person than she was before the accident. We both agreed that God allows the trials in our lives to help us to grow. To teach us and make us better people if we will allow Him to do that. What a blessing for me to meet this special lady and I will be praying for her tomorrow. I know that God has hold of her hand and together they will face whatever lies ahead.

Hoping to get a copy of the CT scan tomorrow. I'm praying and trusting all will be well with that. Not even giving the "what-ifs" a chance. I have also called the oncologist and asked for something to sleep during the steroids that won't make me feel "demon possessed." For now, I'll run around like the energizer bunny waiting for the steroids to wear off.

What a wonderful day God has given. How grateful I am that He allows me to catch a glimpse of the flower in the midst of the desert!

Life Can Seem a little prickly sometimes........just before it blooms.

"The desert and the parched land will be glad... It will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy!! " (Isaiah 35:1,2)