Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Judge Not

10 down and 2 to go!!

Today was my last morning chemo. All of the treatments, since I started in Feb. have been at 9 am. But since I am going back to work next week, I will work til 1 pm and walk over to do chemo at 2 pm. Quite a blessing to be able to walk across the street for treatments and it will really be nice when I start radiation. Hopefully I can go over on my lunch break every day. I just won't tell my babies ahead of time so they won't misbehave while I'm gone :)

Boy, did I get hit with the guilty stick today!

When we went into the infusion room, I didn't recognize my nurse, but I did recognize the nurse named Diane, who was in the room also. Carl and I chatted with Diane about her vacation. My nurse, Leslie, was getting the supplies ready to draw labs from the port. When Leslie came over, I jokingly said to her and Diane, "So do I have enough of a reputation to warrant 2 nurses today?" Leslie smiled and said, "No, I am your nurse today and Diane is with me." I knew exactly what she meant by "she is with me".

Over the years in NICU I have trained and mentored many new nurses. I try to be their advocate and make sure they have a good experience as they learn. I tell parents that my orientee is "with me and I will be right there with them." I feel really bad for the new nurse when parents take offense to someone new taking care of their baby. Though I understand their feelings, I still feel bad for my orientee. And here I was doing the very same thing with Leslie! I had already judged her without knowing anything about her!

But thankfully, I was convicted right away. That still small voice of the Holy Spirit reminded me what it feels like to be judged. I quickly thought back to my new orientees and how they felt in that same circumstance. Immediately words from a scripture came into my head, "You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat." (Romans 14:10)

Wow, talk about a powerful reminder! Well, I got the message and immediately changed my thoughts. I started talking with Leslie as she was drawing the labs and found out she wasn't new at all! She had been an oncology nurse, up north, for years. She was only new to MD Anderson here in Orlando. Her husband's job had transferred them down here and she began working at this hospital. How wrong I was to form a quick opinion! She was an excellent nurse. In fact, I teased her that she was the first person, since chemo started to get the port to draw on the first try. Her experience and expertise served me well today and for that I am thankful. But, I am also humbled that I had been so quick to judge this kind, knowledgeable person.

The morning went well. The room was warm. Not so good for Carl but nice for me:) We chatted with another lady in the room who was there with her sister, receiving her treatments. And George, the volunteer, came and visited. George is amazing! He is 82 years old, as fit as a 30 year old, is retired from two jobs, (30 years in the steel mill and 10 years at Disney) and now he spends every Tuesday blessing the lives of those at the cancer center. We really look forward to our visit each week with him.

Labs were good enough to receive the chemo. White blood cells keep getting lower and lower but that's just part of it. Still praying I won't get sick. Carl got his book finished, I dozed and the treatment was done before we knew it. Guess we're getting to be old pros at this.

I have to go in the morning for a lung CT. Just a follow-up to the pneumonia. I'm praying and expecting it will be good. Ann, e-mailed me some songs by Michael W. Smith and a little note which I printed out to take with me tomorrow. It said, "May the music rest on your heart and speak to you softly and gently of His graces." I put the songs on my ipod to listen to during the CT. Got my quilt so I won't be freezing. And instead of having a stressful experience in the morning, I will be having a worshipful experience!

And now it's off to chemo and Benadryl induced "la-la" land.


  1. Thank you so much for your comment ... regarding my chemo today.

    I am doing fine just posting late because my sister who is visiting from out of town and I spent too much time chatting after chemo.

    I hope your treatment went well and you are feeling fine. I`m saddened to hear you are going to start working. I know you`d mentioned it before but I still wish that was not the case.

    May you find the strength you need.

  2. Roxanne, one thing I found strange about my chemo experience was that all my feelings, reactions, and emotions were very acute and heightened during chemo. I'm not one to express anger, but I found myself becoming the incredible hulk at the least little things. I would cry at the drop of a hat. And. . . . wouldn't you know, all the "evils of the heart" seemed to be right there on the surface for me to see and deal with. I remember feeling the exact same thing as you when a new nurse came to poke me one day. She was young, etc., etc. I was so convicted of my judgmental thoughts as she did such a great job, didn't hurt, and got it on the first try.

    I'll be praying for you as you return to work and that your chest CT will go well! Your plate is very full!!!!! Thank you for your prayers for ME, too! You don't know how much that means to me!


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